Sunday, November 6, 2011

THE VOLUPTUOUS HORROR OF JAY MAL (Collected Writings)


Writings, Rants, Fiction, Dreams
Copyright - All Rights Reserved

THE VOLUPTUOUS HORROR OF JAY MAL Defined


My calling my sexual erotic physical look VOLUPTUOUS HORROR because men throughout my life that had sex with me, including men seeing my webcam erotic and photo poses, have shared similar views that I’ve a hideous sexual attractiveness: hairy, darker skinned, bulky, foreskinned, facially deformed, like a supernatural creature or shapeshifting wereanimal or monster. There are so many types of sexual looks to men because of the porn fetishism on the Internet over the last 10 years, that just about any type of man or boy, no matter how unattractive to mainstream cosmetic standards, can be arousing to some. Thus the Voluptuous Horror of Jay Mal. Since I have a strong sex drive and voracious fascination with mansex pornography.

VOLUPTUOUS: Definitions

1a : full of delight or pleasure to the senses : conducive to or arising from sensuous or sensual gratification : luxurious b : suggesting sensual pleasure by fullness and beauty of form
2: given to or spent in enjoyment of luxury, pleasure, or sensual gratifications
— vo·lup·tu·ous·ly adverb
— vo·lup·tu·ous·ness noun
Examples of VOLUPTUOUS

Origin of VOLUPTUOUS
Middle English, from Latin voluptuosus, irregular from voluptas pleasure, from volup pleasurable; akin to Greek elpesthai to hope, Latin velle to wish — more at will
First Known Use: 14th century


NO LIFE AFTER DEATH, BUT LAST PRAYERS ARE ONE FOR THE ROAD AGAINST HELL

Did you ever see the 1990s movie THE SEIGE ? where the USA has to mass intern Mid Eastern and Muslim background Americans because of terrorist hysteria and this demographic as targeted suspects? I was told more than once by aquaitances that I would be like actress Annette Benning, as an agent, that when she is gun shot and dying from a holdout, she is seen gasping the "Lord's Prayer" or "OUR FATHER WHO ART IN HEAVEN..." as many post Catholics do on their deathbed conversions, that Jay Mal would do the same thing, the "one for the road" incantations. This was said about TIMOTHY MCVEIGH when he was juiced to death, and killer John Wayne Gacy, who also had his rosary Catholic and priest pre death sentence absolution. Post brain death hallucinations or the visual doorways of Hells to come.



LAST LAY OF AN AIDS AFFLICTED MAN

BORN NAKED INTO THE WORLD and NAKED OUT OF IT IN DEATH, with variations of course. Emaciated and suffering AIDS afflicted bodies Globally. In some cases, the afflicted wanting one last tryst, one last fuck to feel remotely human. Cream semen that can eject even from the most vile dying body. That life, once dead, into crematoria to fry and burn to ashes. But for photos or memories, like lost evaporated fluid.



SLIGHTLY INBRED HITCHHIKER WITH GREAT TANLINED ASS

Beautiful tight tanline asscakes muscle and bearded bottom hitchhiker loaded with tattoos. Takes his chances with his whore ass as money currency to exchange for rides or all else. He wasn't tortured or mutilated and left in plastic bags on the highway that strikes sexy male hitchhikers Globally every year. Hot assride with cheeks squeezed and sidesaddle shithole fuck by the TOP. Gutter sexy outlaw fugitive that needs a good belting as punishment.



GONZO REFLECTIONS: ARE THERE GAY BIGFOOT MALES?

TOPIC: Artist and USA Coast To Coast AM talk radio fan Mark Barnett shares his painting, a work titled, "Bigfoot Encounter".

The huge hominids are claimed to be interdimensional beings of high intelligence and language associated with UFOs, yet the beings roam around nations naked, unwashed, and of both genders, with families. It would appear such mammals also can procreate. In the bareback, raunch sex reality, these sentient communicative hominids blur the lines of bestiality if there is sex with them. The huge dicks of male bigfoots would rupture a man's rectum, like a horse or other large phallic beast, if copulation were to happen. There are assfuckers out there, and scat fans, that would fuck a bigfoot up the rectum, tolerating the incredible excrement, unwashed underarm, skunk odor many bigfoots emit.



REQUIP: DRUG TO MAKE DOWN LOWS TO FLAMING GAY!
FRANCE 2010:


The straight married man that took REQUIP drug to deal with Parkinson's who went on to become a Gay sex addict, crossdresser, was raped by another man, became a compulsive gambler and is suing the drug maker because his nightmare happened before the 2006 drug warnings, the comic angle is too alluring. This would be a great drug for treating transvestite peformers in gambling resort cities like Las Vegas, Atlantic City, Monte Carlo, other venues. Worse yet is a drug that can make a Gay man into a compulsive heterosexual sex addict and hyper masculine trucker type that is hardcore obsessed with anal retentive Right Wing conservative politics and hate radio.

That's what's been said for decades, ARE MACHO MEN REALLY GAY? Get to know enough hypermasculine men and boys and you will see an obssession with homosexuality and anal or oral sex with males as jokes plus paranoid hyper fears that ultimately become a fascination point of exploration. All Gay and Straight bathhouses have a considerable amount of straight men not wanting labels, but wanting no issue sex, same goes for closet cases abounding in Gay sex clubs. One can say that the amount of Gay males needful of new young and different bodies have aided the down low for decades, even at the risk of violence and deaths. A drug like REQUIP just tilted the psychological obsessions closer to repressed archaic needs of opportunistic mansex. Put any man or boy in all male enviroments long enough and homosexuality, plus role reversals will happen. Darwinian sexual instinct.



"PIG" IN RELATION TO SINGER/ACTOR "ROZZ WILLIAMS"

Rozz Williams of CHRISTIAN DEATH fame and director Nico B.. Jay Mal remembers them well on the L.A. art and music circuit of the 1980s and 1990s. Rozz Williams in the 1990s was a regular shy, non descript little guy that frequented the Goth Rock club HELTER SKELTER when it was at the PROBE on Highland Ave near Santa Monica Blvd. I regularly remember watching people
arriving at the club from his safe vantage point in someone's car where they could have been drinking or doing drugs. He committed suicide the same year as PIG coming out in 1998. Real cult film of visceral images that placed it alongside originality with AN ANDALUSIAN DREAM and Kenneth Anger films. The California high desert with it's harsh dusty alienation was always stark for filming such horror films. Makes me think of BEAST OF YUCCA FLATS with Tor Johnson and the TWENTY NINE PALMS indie film of a couple that face UV chase thugs and a man anal rapist to add to their desert victimization. On Amazon.com, PIG costs about $59 for used dvd copies and brand new ones with the booklet WHY GOD TOLERATES EVIL go for $184.00 a dvd. Rozz Williams is immortal as all tragic artists that got too close to the fire in their brilliance.


CYCLONES, RIOTS, RECESSIONS, OH MY!

Times like these that Jay Mal wonders if he should just dump his ideals and join his Hollywood Hills neighbors on their terraces and balconies to enjoy a heavy champagne breakfast watching riots in the Mid East and massive deadly floods and hurricanes in Australia and other disasters courtesy of cable news TV and live computer streaming.

My two Conservative Christian sisters are gloating that I didn't pay attention to their Christian magazines and tracts about the endtimes before the Jesus Christ rapture and I'm still waiting on when the ANTI CHRIST will appear on CNN with the UFOS for a massive military Psy Ops and Marshal Law, but in any case, the times are wild and the climate is extreme like THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW and 2012 movies. Pity that the World can't just hand over ex Pres. George Bush II and Dick Cheney, Karl Rove, and other Bush II Junta leaders that aided this Global meltdown from greed abuse of resources and governments, just hand them over for a Global trial and execution televised with proceeds to the robbed nations.



CYBER CELLULOID BONDAGE SLAVE

A good subliminal turn on erection getter. The juxtoposition of images, the gullable trusting lost traveler asking for directions, then overpowered, knocked out, and then in a similar faced gagged and bound faced victim status is raped by a man anally with his fate or future tortures up to the viewer's imagination. Arousing horror of real life and boys and men accosted by other males.

Real butch to target forced ass entry, the bottom looks like they want a rough assault. The hands to back handcuffing and mouth ball gag to silence the struggle and moans, resistence grunts are a turn on as he's fucked prisoner sex slave or crime victim style. This style of manrape is also practiced by military and government prisons Worldwide, sometimes with torture and murder to follow, blamed on other inmates, not the guards or government officials. The gag is that hot pink color, there are also bright green, I prefer the orange and black ones as used in some corrections or military base brigs. This is the kind of bondage fuck videos I'm looking for.



UFOS APPEAR ABOVE TEMPLE MOUNT JERUSALEM-FEB 2011

Theories are legion and a good video creation. This is military psy ops at their best over the Temple Mount or Time resonating UFOs are returning to a historical spot associated with Abraham and Mohammed ascending to Heaven on a UFO ages past. So will the UFOs be on the Judaism team, the Christian team, or the Islamic team? Or have the Abramic and all religions been UFO shams all along? No afterlife and no judgment of souls about the only consolation. That leaves one last party and sex orgy for millions of humans with nothing else to lose before becoming mass worm food.



MIDEAST FREEDOM RIOTS 2011

Revolutions are always impressive, the first phase, and those caught on news cameras and historical movies are too many to count, then the sobering aftermath, who runs the nation and resources, the employment and trade development. Shock radio host MIKE MALLOY has been heavy on dissecting the dying kicks of CAPITALISM as unsustainable in the 21st Century or a Global oligarchy of superrich destroying life for the masses. The alleged "Leader of the Free World" the United States continues to have over 2 million people in the runaway prisons for profits industries, like the War On Drugs and War On Foreigners as divisive media campaigns to keep USA corpocrats in power while our masses attack ourselves in daily competitive grinds. Armed rioters of mainly Arab Muslim men and boys in streets of Tunisia, Egypt, Yemen, Jordan, and up into South Europe's Albania as it would spread and spread. Nations that also have considerable repressive cultural laws against mainly Gay and Bisexual male acts, yet mansex is commonplace under the radar. The USA Gay Log Cabin Republicans whine all LGBTQ should vote GOP as Islam is against their lives and rights, yet they offer no solution to the GOP/Tea Party Right Wing calling for destruction of all American equal civil rights for LGBTQ domestically to placate Judeo-Christian fantatical paradigm myths of coming stellar and cloud sitting saviors. Revolution is an inspiring thing only if the replacing regime doesn't have you on the execution lists.



FILM GAYVIEWETTE: CARTS OF DARKNESS

Very good documentary CARTS OF DARKNESS and financed in part by Canada's government, which is center left. Not as extreme as BumFights. The culmination of doomsday paradigms and Global economic recession, desperate poverty, class divisions, police and prison abuse, social throwaways are all part of what is happening in the West and North America. On past Sex blogs, I could never get to this mix of sexual hardcore and social consciousness, but this site makes the mix. The homeless and working poor with the trashcan pickings of recyclables are an issue in the houses I sit for in Hollywood and West L.A.. The issue of ex cons and parole pariahdom is difficult to watch and a cause of recidivism from dead ends, as one of the interviewees, a robust man with a cart riding speed addiction, winds up in a Vancouver jail for 10 months, then upon release goes back to his vagabond lifestyle and cart riding on steep Vancouver island hills. The director, a younger man in his thirties, is wheelchair bound and once used to do speed snowboarding until a car wreck disabled him, though he is still able to navigate a van with special hand held steering holds. Cart thrill riding crosses with the issue of homeless vagrants on Vancouver island. The danger of cart to vehicle crashes would make this fetish counterculture an inevitable problem with local law enforcement and local public nuisance ordinances.



LATINO MUSCLE SKIN POWER FUCK BREAKS TWO MAN CUNT WHORES

One video I couldn't tell if it was bareback or not, but it was in the bareback category of the network. I was looking to see if the slick plastic ring of a condom was at the base of the erect dicks, couldn't tell from the lubricated sheen. It's pretty bodacious nonetheless. This clip is the last segment of the original video. The muscled, 9 inch dick, tattooed, Marine like skinhead TOP is named JUAN STEEL, an ethnic phallic name if ever there was one. I would have loved to have seen Mr. Juan with a carefully created tanline from speedos around his asscakes, but his muscle fury is worth what he appears onscreen. Huge brown dick into subjugated man whores that won't quit. They also form a good 3 way scissors fuck, though Mr. Juan would have been great to have seen HIM get fucked by the bottoms.



PORN GAYVIEWETTE: BAREBACK BODYBUILDERS Movie

My favorite scene, is the last one featuring Italian American bodybuilder and skinhead Antonio Palucci with his bulk muscle power fuck of his bottom with force and skill. It must be generational, but it amazes me this olive eyed beautiful verile man is a pro bodybuilder in the public eye and doing bareback assfuck porn work with a well adjusted psychological openess. How times have changed and I am a fossil in this regard. The first bareback scene between Marine type studs has the bottom wailing in loud joyous pain as if in torture interrogation. Too wild.



SEX WITH DEAN CORLL ONE WAY TO HELL

Perpetually running online videos. Choice clips from the case of TEXAS Boy Sex Killer Dean Corll plus close ups of his accomplice, Wayne Henley. The most recent book of short stories and writings by Dennis Cooper, UGLY MAN, has the first story a long testament and perfomance art theater piece to Dean Corll and Wayne Henley with perverted, dark humor and insight into the boys themselves that believed the torture and murder were sex games to relieve their boring, home troubled school lives. Cooper based his work on Dean Corll's journal that survived and has been in regular reprinting. The 1970s, before the 1981 discovery of AIDS, was still incredibly dangerous time for Gay men and boys across North America, with considerable sex serial killing of drifting boys and young adult men wherever hustler, kidnappee and stalker found each other. As Dennis Cooper relates through his pedophile killers, it was the boy's beauty and natural confidence, like arrogance which doomed them to sexual rape and homicidal torture death, because they had it coming. Any and all boys under age 18 in North America in particular are in demand on the fetish sex market, that has never changed, as will be their body count in snuff trysts.



FILM GAYVIEWETTE: THE SEVEN DAYS OF RETALIATION

Found and watched this French Canadian movie on NETFLIX movie rentals online viewing. SEVEN DAYS in the English titled description with subtitles in English, the full title in Francais is LES 7 JOURS DU TALION, translated, THE SEVEN DAYS OF RETALIATION.

Sado horror grindhouse fans like a few conflicted suvivors of violent sexual crime and murder will meet on common ground at the psychological provocations of SEVEN DAYS where a loving, gentile, successful young Quebec province surgeon, in a moment of trusting his 8 year old daughter off to school and to meet with friends for a tryst with his wife's lovemaking, a middle aged serial pedophile rapist and murderer of 3 other girls, finds the doctor's daughter and force rapes her and murders her in a forest park clearing. In revenge, the good doctor abandons his Hippocratic reformed medical oath to attune to his predatory inner Dr., Josef Mengele/Marquis De Sade, and to scheme a successful kidnapping of the pedophile on route to detention, where the pedophile is stripped naked, chained, and tortured with a variety of techniques that fans of THE GREASETANK and sadohorror Gay torture sex websites will get aroused over. The pedophile has his knee broken with a sledgehammer, is pissed on, given a good lashing on torso with chains, made to eat from a dish dog style on floor, and is finally given an operaton while conscious with drugs, to have his colon redirected to his side torso to shit like a gimp, without a colonostopy bag. The good doctor becomes a media celebrity with vigilante minded public, but not before the doctor kidnaps a mother who is a consciencious objector in the news whos daughter was killed by the same pedophile, and tries to force her to sledgehammer the disabled, shit and blood encrusted pedophile to death, she refuses, and is released. The doctor lets the pedophile live, then turns himself over to a police sting operation, to face massive criminal charges and prison himself.


FROM THE YOUTUBE.COM WEBSITE DESCRIPTION:

Daniel Grous gripping 7 DAYS centers on a successful surgeon whose world is torn apart by the murder of his eight-year-old daughter. The father embarks on a quest for revenge against the perpetrator of this heinous crime, and in a game of cat and mouse with the police detectives assigned to the case, he successfully kidnaps the accused murderer as he is transported to the courthouse. With the roles now reversed, this father-turned-predator drives his prey to a remote cabin, where seven days of unspeakable torture await. He even keeps the police apprised of his plan, vowing to turn himself in after the execution of this alleged monster.




JEAN CADINOT'S HOTPANTS TO ASSCRACK FRENCH WHORES

GAY PORN has it's own cinematic archeology and a whimsical one at that. Conceived preposterous ideas of reality and reconstructions of institutions and societies based from a homo-anal, ageist paradigm for copulation to ejaculation end goals. The 1980s saw American Gay audiences introduced to French Gay pornographer JEAN DANIEL CADINOT that revealed some unique differences between many European ideas of homo porn and the North American Gay porn market, under the mutual oppressions of the Homo Porn coiffed cosmetized model industry plus the President Ronald Reagan administration/Edwin Meese Commission on Pornography residual effects. Cadinot's studio, as with much of France and Europe, largely drew models from working classes and just about anyone they could find with or without scenes pay. Condomless porn was the mainstay, while North America fretted in terror over AIDS with it's Gay porn largely formulated, psychologically mechanical. Raw barebacking, gangbangs, fetish play, bad musical scores, trademark hung men in "hot pants" casually frolicking, had Jean Cadinot formulating a niche market decades before the BAREBACK industry found grounding in North America. Another Cadinot bareback classic is SEX BAZAAR filmed in Morocco 1980s with French tourists finding a bareback paradise of rugged Arab and Black African ass rapists with sex nonstop.

Jean Daniel Cadinot and other 1980s Gay porn makers in Europe at that period, also were going through government related censorship and public morality media clauses very similar to what the United States went though during the heyday 1960s and 1970's, with conditions about the porn films having to exist in some kind of context of "artistic merit", this was settled by making the porn actors and actresses having to follow scripts and direction akin to actual cinematic narratives. A number of movies in the USA that were rated X and now are tame rated R, were because of these clauses, MIDNIGHT COWBOY of 1968 with Jon Voight was one such film and the straight BEHIND THE GREEN DOOR and THE DEVIL IN MISS JONES, all these alleged X rated movies had storylines and actual acting.



TRANNY GAGA FROM HELL PLOWS HER MANCUNT GOOD

Like a lot of fetish and fringe Niche market fuck porn, my eyes have drawn me to diverse sides of the street, including across the railroad tracks to the filthy part of town. One video's power fucking Transexual on hormones was more woman than woman and more man than man. The cunt has the scary Pamela Anderson/Lady Gaga on Hell chems make up kind of action going on. Many masculine civilian and military active men Worldwide have a sexual fascination with transexuals and transvestites, where anal sex is allowed as an excuse for powerful lust, while the feminine glamour or attire asserts the man/woman dichotomy of roles. In some cases, romance happens, in other cases, Gay panic, violence, and homicide upon the Transgendered which often the mainstream corporate Gay and Lesbian counterculture allow as expendable collateral damage in the move for equal civil rights in most nations.



FILM GAYVIEWETTE: BEN X

This movie, a first time directorial debut by Flemish former film critic Nic Balthazar, goes into the tormented life of a Belgian autistic teenager who also lives his double life online with Sword and Sorcery computer games, where a fellow gamer, a girl persona named Scarlite helps him plan revenge on the high school bullies that homophobically and sexually haze "Ben" almost to suicide after his pants and underwear are pulled down and filmed on camera phones to download on the Internet. The film takes issues with special needs and autistic youth as societal misfits and Flemish youth suicides. The similarity to real life Autumn 2010 suicide of 18 year old Tyler Clementi, a NJ Rutgers University student who's roomate and a classmate webcam spy tape Clementi have Gay sex with another man in a dorm, and broadcast on the Internet, leads to Clementi's suicide, jumping off the George Washington Bridge, coinciding with a National North American wave of Gay youth suicides from homophobic bullying.



BLACK MUSCLE SKIN'S TARGET MANGINA

Doggy styler, blanket position, dick riding, doggy styler again, legs up diaper position and deep piston plow till creaming, the Black skin into the White twink shithole cherry with his moans and wails in excruciating pain pleasure. Interracial Mansex videos fascinate me with all their power and background mainstream social taboos, even to this day. After the Black skin shoots his thick cream over the White's exhausted ass cheeks, he has to do the obligatory dick shove back into the shithole to slosh up the fuck sauces for fertilization and conquest status. This post cum dick shove into ass is an honored institution in bareback videos, demonstrating also a Top's virility in how hard his dick stays after ejaculation. All that cum that never fertilized vaginas for children, only ManCunt's for scores of greedy AIDS babies.



MASON WYLER APPOINTS HIMSELF HIV POZ PORN ROYALTY
FILE THIS UNDER "YOUR RENT IS STILL DUE AND MASON WON'T HELP YOU THERE" IN IMPORTANCE.....

All the hardcore sex porn work and sex roles of mainly Power Bottom actor MASON WYLER are timecapsules of his health, virility, boyish innocence transcended on screens before his May 2010 HIV positive blood status that would be further disclosed in the Gay and porn press months later. What type if any porn sex roles this playful actor will do in Gay porn, or even if he'll take up bareback roles or sign with any raunch and bareback hardcore studios. For now, all future roles with actors, it is his body, his bodily fluids, his facial and sexual gestures with the new awareness of being a toxic pathogen beautiful man capable of infecting HIV negative actors that makes his transition alluring for many past and future viewers.

Yes, the videos I found for my porn blogsites were of Mason Wyler condomed sex scenes, the members, if they have clips of Mason in Pissing or Bareback video clips, please post them. Every video clip and scene on dvd and online are Mason before May 2010 when he found out he tested HIV Poz, his fans are waiting to see what new porn acts he will do or if he will take up bareback studios offers for porn shoots. Lots of great HIV infected actors, but they are in the Niche market of Bareback studios, a pariah wing of the porn industry, while Mason came out about his HIV while still in the height of his mainstream sex actor career. Most tolerated legitimate Gay porn studios throw out HIV positives even from condomed sex acts because their star will be a harder sell to the buying public. Not all HIV Poz stars openly admit their status unless asked or in media interviews. This is the case of most if not all the Pozzed slut actors at DARK ALLEY MEDIA and even CAZZO films, but insider news says otherwise.



WASN'T SEXY ENOUGH TO BE JAILRAPED ONE NIGHTER

I WOULDN'T COUNT A DUI OVERNIGHTER STAY IN A PROTECTIVE CELL AT THE SOUTHGATE POLICE STATION, CALIFORNIA DOING REAL TIME IN MY AGE 20s IN THE 1980s. THOUGH BEING FROM A MIDDLE CLASS BACKGROUND AND WEST LOS ANGELES ON MY DRIVER'S LICENSE AND SO WELL SPOKEN, I WAS NOT PUT INTO THE FILTHY, METAL DOORED DRUNK TANK WITH VIOLENT AND CUSSING SATURDAY NIGHT MALE REVELERS, SOME STILL IN THEIR NIGHTCLUB SUIT FINERY. I ALSO DIDN'T GO THROUGH A STRIP SEARCH, BUT MY GLASSES AND BELT AND SHOES WERE REMOVED. THE SHERIFF'S DEPUTIES, I DID WITNESS THE CLASS CASTE SYSTEM OF THEM ORDERING THE LOCALS, OR INMATES READY FOR THEIR COURT DATES, TO DO CHORES AND FOLLOW POWER ORDERS. WOULD HAVE BEEN WORSE HAD IT BEEN THE OLD CENTRAL L.A. JAIL BEFORE THE TWIN TOWERS THAT IS ITS OWN DEATH AND ASSRAPE FACTORY ON INMATES UNTIL RECENT REFORMS. DUI IN THE 1980s WAS CHEAP IN FINES COMPARED TO NOW IN L.A., COUNTY.




CUT OR UNCUT MANHOOD BLOOM?

For me it's a challenge to have the foreskin stretched back inside of a condom to enter a man's sphincter muscle to get inside his rectum. The pain, because I have a large foreskin over the head which is the long slit urethral canal type. But the sensitivity is incredible and I can fuck on a pile of blankets or pillows to get an orgasm that resonates in every nerve and the brain. Also love to rub my uncut dick along a man's asscrack with a buttplug in my rectum, and his too, till I shoot cream cum over his asscakes, double plus if its a hairy ass or a tanlined one, or both. There remains a school of critics and a lot of Straight women that press for all men to get circumcised because of hysteria over penile cancer, but some of that would be diet, alcohol, bad water, and hygene related, besides Judeo-Christian theologically based manipulation. Cut males also keep getting HIV and STDs despite all the hoopla over cut dicks being immune to pathogens during anal insertive sex.



EXCREPHOBIA AMERICAN STYLE

Another example of different countries and systems. I'd say that unless some are into scat and other fetishes of marginal cleanliness, the USA from its Puritan Protestant Christian foundations has had long the obsession in its societal dealings with sex and people a preoccupation for hygene and near contempt of odors, body aromas, body hair, excrement, urine, and particularly homosexuality regarding oral and anal sex between men, even though it happened everywhere. Public sex crackdowns by municipalities in the USA has some influence with the fact that no public healthcare system exists, and emergency rooms are not public healthcare, despite what conservatives claim. The amount of condoms, urine, excrement residues, paper products for wiping and other debris at many cruising sites is ranted upon because of pests and vermin disease carrying lifeforms it attracts or STDS and intestinal parasites barebacking men carry in anal shit dripping sex where the males usually go to cash strapped public health clinics and the stats are used to attack Gay communities as plague and vice spreaders. Our Gay adult porn industry, outside barebacking, follows the same formula mantra, anal sex with cleaned out rectums, not much body hair, bronzed or tan line less bodies. Europe and the land masses there are older cultures and many have public healthcare programs to deal with STDS faster, not like America, where every sickness is a war with providers or public agencies for who pays.



BEAUTY DOES NOT MEAN A LONG LIFESPAN

A British scientific study conducted in 2011 by the famed LONDON SCHOOL OF ECONOMICS Praised that physically and beautiful people have naturally occurring higher intellectual IQs, adding to a subliminal message already a plague on civilization for centuries about the privileges of beauty, whatever that means in a culture.
You want to run that by me again? An interesting study, but flawed from several factors. Millions of non attractive people run all facets and institutions of societies. In an Internet, Cable TV, Reality TV show and Music industry paradigm planet, beautiful young people are made into marketable products for mass illusory consumption. Celebrities with youth and beauty are made into multimillion dollar commodities, the same does not happen in the adult entertainment industry, where beauty is exploitable and disposable upon disease and physical deterioration. If attractive people are given strong self esteem, money, favors, legal and social protection, like advantages over for employment and sex, education, career entitlements, those are factors that would make one, male or female, able to concentrate on developing other talents, unlike millions of others that must struggle to work, survive, endure prejudice of all types. The advantage of unattractive people surviving by intelligence and survival adaptability is evident in aging, whereas many beautiful people are apt to unravel once beauty and youth fades, sickness sets in, or their social abuses of others backfires towards their demise, or in crime cases, destruction of that beauty as seen in countless romantic homicides, sex killings, revenge scenarios. Beauty does not necessarily equal a long lifespan. The 29 years of the AIDS epidemic decimated millions of people, including those with most favored facial and physical advantages for sexual partners with risks included.




GONZO WHACKOS ARE FACES OF GOD

On my sex websites I'm drawn to strange and Gonzo Whacko category videos that defy definition, but in my mutual warped Zodiac Aquarian space cadet rationale and perversion, I put them up or exchanged videos and added my views on them. Every fetish pervert and masochist into Manboy worship or chem slamming, crack, meth, read revelance into my every post or the odd admissions about my life.

I like to see crazy Straight men's sex videos with women, the Straight studs fucking and their asses bucking or their styles. Some of the other sex networks have crazy categories and I figure I've got to get some of those images in. The GRANNIES sex categories are a sick turn on, horny young men as beautiful as Gods so lustful, they'll power fuck old ladies or are sexually turned on to wrinkled fems. The gangbang and sex torture straight videos are alluring too. Some of Gay bondage or Sado videos are mechanical at times or the models so into themselves or the bodies too bronzed with body make up.

One Blasphemous clip, The BROTHERS OF DARKNESS isn't really Satanic, though it could be like the Knight's Templars that had their neo sexual rites to Baphomet during the Crusades era. It looks also alot like the CATHOLIC CHURCH penitent's orders that had lots of sadomasochist rituals to suppress desires from the Inquisition on, where homosexual lust happened as well. All the assplay and penetrations. The hairy asses fucking and fisting was bodacious. I didn't know so many liked hairy bodies in some male porn, but I don't know all male preferences save what one comments to reach the cream emissions.



WEBCAMERAMA PARANOIA

The temptation of webcamming live is mixed. A stirring combination with risks of unknown scenarios, webcamming for local sex male contacts and having your own transportation to drive or motor to that destination for the real thing. Much different in Jay Mal's pre internet days, when one had to go by 900 sex date phone message hotlines and meet males that often were nothing like their descriptions. Drawback online, is bad sex encounters and being trashed online, or flaming or dissed, it's banned on sites, but males do it anyway. I webcammed sex with so many men internationally and gave shows on one Gay cam site of my jacking and riding dildos. I only had one live date meet up in 2003 and I wrote about that being a problem thing.



WATCHING A POWER PISTON FUCK ONLINE.


Like the tops leather face mask. Looks like he fucks "rape style" clothed, like soldiers or prison guards or other men that only undo their pants in crotch to fuck, but don't undo for the asscheeks, as they don't want other men in a gangbang to think they are bottoms or Gay, this is especially true for Down Low Straight men, they also fuck in underwear, but with the crotch visible, not the asscheeks.

So many HIV negatives and Neg bottoms have given up trying to find other negatives because HIV pozzes are the mass majority on the sex circuit or even in dating, and so many men and boys lie about their HIV or STD status. This bottom caved in to a gangbang feeling it was better to a life than sex paranoia and fear. I know these types well because they are on my websites and all around the Gay bars and clubs, or contacting me. Reminds me, I have to update my Adult net profiles. I should get a cheap webcam for the other computer to make some jackoff vids, or for guys that like hairy Latino bear types like Jay Mal. Really good fuck session and creamed with Poz pathogens if that was the former HIV negs obsession to change.



PREDATOR PETS MAKE FOR SCARY AFTERLIFE REVIEW

Arachnids are not my favorite creature of the Universe's creation, but their Darwinian deadly feminist power sexuality draws my fascination. I find myself wanting to watch the various Arachnid videos on youtube.com and also the creature features of Giant or spider related horror movies on one online movie club. I have had Black Widow she spiders in large jars as pets over the years, but stopped in the 1990s, because of the life review paranoias in the afterlife, meaning the pet owner of the predator will see, hear, and feel the review of their whole life actions, including things like what a victim food prey animal offered alive to a predator pet will feel. Better that nothing lies after death. Like the film THE FLY, the fly man mewling "Please Help me! Please Help me!" as the garden spider prepares to lunch.



THE CYBER SKIN WRESTLER DOESN'T KNOW HE'S WORSHIPPED

This semi professional skin total fighting boxer takes on a spiky haired skateboarder type on hot cracked concrete. The muscle skin with the TAPOUT logo, tattooed on his abs, the company backs total fighting shows and gear, the owner of that company died in a brutal car crash in So. California some years. This hot muscle skin, you can tell loves to be sexually and erotically admired by the men shouting for blood. He would be outstanding to see him jacking off to porn or washing his asscakes in the shower, or having a secret Gay sex fantasy life or in reality. Would love to see the skin, after the fight, accosted and gangbang fucked, bound and gagged naked, or forced to wear a jockstrap by the attendees of this fight. Feel the body up of muscles and the rectum a paradise for who can force fuck it to orgasm.



DRUG DEALERS IN GAY4PAY PORNO

When one gets finished curling a smile or laughing, this scenario of street drug buyers, sometimes people from professional or aflluent backgrounds that need their illicit drug fix, most often heroin, meth, crack, ecstasy, marijuana, etc, are in a two edge sword scenario, where drug dealers can rob, torture, rape, murder, "disappear" the buyers that are in jeopardy as well from the police that want drug incarcerations for the prison/jail industries. The thousands of middle class and affluent drug buyers that vote in conservatives and extreme Right Wing politicians to keep the War On Drugs industry going, never imagine how the policies will backfire, when "real or decent citizens" get caught up in drug stings or drug dealers that are free to prey for money or crime. In the USA Gay Republicans and Teabaggers are a case point with their idiotic "Rule Of Law" hysteria as voters, until such laws also go after Gay drug users with incarceration and fines.



TEEN BOYS NEED THEIR COPULATION TOYS TO TRAIN

These are the kind of silicone and soft rubber fuck sex toys every parent should give to their sons once they turn 12 years old and can practice fucking and masturbation to burn off all the sex and anger stress teen boys go through, even better, full size rubber sex dolls to practice on. Most parents might assume female body parts dolls are the normal sex education to provide for, but in rare cases, some parents will realize their sons could be homosexual or bisexual. A difficult reality if boys are taught by religion and most society to not masturbate or have sex until they are age 16 or 18 and in the context of heterosexual marriage. Some sex toy videos show the skillful use of a rubber ass and female cunt sex toy a swarthy young man plows into for practice fucking skills. Good for training one's dick in prolonging erection to a later orgasm, especially if learning how to satisfy a female.



HAIRY FRAT AND HIS TOYS

I'm imagining coming in behind the frats hairy ass and docking with my dick in his lubed ass and it becomes a half human/half doll threeway. So adorable. The hairy frat type with those puppy little boy in manbody eyes into the camera. His fuckbitch cunt toy even has her dress and he fucks her shotgun in the plastic ass from behind. All those books and framed documents in your playpen. Totally get into the Straight men power fucking their toy inflateable sex dolls with piston gusto till they cream the fake cunt. Saves on money for all the trouble women make to put out, but male asscakes and rectums are always ready to substitute.



MR. TATTED ASS THE KILLSHOT

So true, Mr. Tatted Ass with nipple rings is a stunner of a masculine ass fucker and ass fuckee, he does both so well and enjoys them fully. This is toxic bareback pathogen laden raw sex, I can see the powerful allure for millions of men and boys who want total sensory sex without contraceptives. This four way with partners switching is primal in its homage to cultural Bachanals and male sex mysteries and initiations or surrogate sex locales like men's clubs and saunas and baths. My cardovascular health has never been better from all the hard porn jacking I do and one site has a massive free collection of themes and videos.



MANEATING VULVA ESCAPES THE FEDS

"I'M GONNA HAVE TO TIE A 2 BY 4 TO MY ASS TO KEEP FROM GOIN' IN" says the studly skinhead burly goateed top fucker of the largest maneating vagina recently captured on porn film. "THE GRAND CANYON" as she is called in porn freak circles. The hot skin stud is a regular Straight bareback ass and cunt fucker seen in many formula entertainment and other anal fuck niche studios brands. This 5th rate strip tease whore make up slut has a monstrous lobed vulva that takes big dicks, bottles, a man's knee, his foot, even the top's shaved head going in for a head fuck and almost suffocating in cunt meat, when the fucking is over, the TOP's head is dripping in cunt slut juice with a smell no doubt to match a fish market. One hasn't seen a vulva as monstrous as that since illustrations of the spread cunt stone sculpture bas relief images of various Medieval British Isle Christian churches known as "SHEELA NA GIG"s. I was munching on a banana, yogurt , raisins while watching this horror upon horrors and ready to jack off a load myself, and I'm as Gay as 3 dollar bill!!!



INTERRACIAL JOCKSTRAP BENEDICTION

The bottom and his White moon round asscakes takes the huge Brown sausage dick of the Black male with quiet ease, the bottom doesn't moan or cry out in pain/pleasure much, but his ass is fucked with squishy, goey, slappy happiness, deep in that rectum till the Top comes inside. Great ass in jockstraps for the framed action.



FAUX GANGBANGER RAW SCENARIOS

The sex industry, out to make a buck with Bareback "reality videos" does it's share that challenges truth in advertising. Thinking that street boys and gang types in videos are the real thing. One video clip that claims the street gang types are straight misses some details. The "bottom", as far as this being his first time, is not in pain at all, taking the Tops dick with patience and silence, The Top passes for more straight as his asscakes aren't that developed and he's really into the straight porn on a TV to get aroused and pump the simulated vagina that is the bottom. That bottom could have been fucked in his real life, or his youthful past, in jail or other place to get that level of satisfied penetration his face shows.



SAME SEX MARRIAGE USA: THE FINAL AMERICAN WAR

I WANT TO BE FREE IN MY COUNTRY. I WANT RIGHTS TO MARRY A MAN. I want any Gay/Lesbian/Transgendered American to have the same rights as Straight Americans, even Naturalized foreign nationals are allowed to marry, but not LGT taxpayers. This is the FINAL WAR that conservatives said IS IMPOSSIBLE TO ACHIEVE. Impossible? DODT repealed is a noble longstanding civil right given to Americans that want to serve the military without penalty of sexual preference. But there are millions of LGBT Americans that want the same rights to the American Dream and stability of a legally recognized union or a family they can create. This dream will not go away with conservative's threats or hate radio or even hate crimes. Legalizing same sex marriage will make LGBT people part of a mainstream body politic, moving beyond the "fugitive" status that LGBT still resonates to millions of Straight Americans. BRING IT ON. THE FINAL WAR. ALL OR NOTHING.



BEAUTIFUL FACE, MALEVOLENT MOTIVES IN MY BOOK

Eyes, the mirror not of the soul, but of social conditioning that creates the face as it becomes itself. Unattractive faces, elderly faces, disfigured features, even with the eyes, are less tolerated than the attractive. New Age and Karmic theorists give the attractive added points by claiming the attractive played their previous lives well that they are rewarded with either attractive faces and bodies, easier career and life advantages, even if beautiful eyes and faces are part of horrible, antagonistic people. Eyes say more about intent of motive or criminality than all other first impressions.



MAY/DECEMBER GAY/BI MALE DATING/SEX AFTER AGE 50 (WITH MALES UNDER 35)

DATING OR HAVING SEX WITH SOMEONE UNDER AGE 35. JAY MAL after age 50. Some of my views on this are generational, and to a lesser extent internalized ageism, in the Gay/Bi counterculture what the Gay media has stigmatized about males aging over age 45, the other is after 29 years of the AIDS epidemic killing thousands of middle and older aged men, age 18 and even middle aged Gay/Bi males are in a drifting social condition about how to relate to each other or mentor relationships. .

A number of Gay/Bi males my age, to deal with sexual issues of aging, might do it through roles played with younger males, especially those under age 30, and sexually, if one over age 45 isn't a top, then an older bottom. The trade off in sex, is the younger males will have 10 times the sexual during for fucking if one is a bottom, but a father son kind of fetish if the younger is the bottom or a submissive. I haven't had contact sex in 14 years from the antidepressant pill downers and then from paranoia about HIV and AIDS which is now high among males under age 25 Globally. It turns me on and I realize a younger man or boy could be more sexually and psychologically experienced than me. I continue to meet young men with adult responsibilities where they seem like my father psychologically and me the son. The contrast in body type and muscle mass, skin texture, if hair is graying, facial beauty of the young, these are some factors that can be shocking and stimulating for someone in my situation. If the males were to meet me only for sex under certain conditions, then I would not have to expect a further relationship, it is more difficult now that I don't drive a car to places where a fling might meet. My financial problems also don't afford a way to date younger males who usually want a social life or more friends in their circle too. Even when I was in my age 20s, other friends that wanted me among their coterie of friends met with problems as I never seemed young acting or had the facial features of handsome youth. My hairy body type and bear build also didn't win popularity either. Most Gay men that have stayed interested in me is because of my intellect and talents or the whole occult beliefs, as few men that know me can't figure out while I'm still alive when most friends of my generation are dead. All the men I know right now are under age 37. The males over age 37 I only know online. I think I like best the younger males that ask questions about their existence and about sexuality best, particularly those scared of the sex circuit or want to hear from an older adult beyond just bareback sex culture. With a younger man having sex with me, it also will come down to if they can adapt to my naked body or face or masked face! It's like starting all over again. Then again, there actually are young men under age 30 that like older men with older weathered bodies and muscles or gray hair, the father and grandfather fetish thing.

The danger issues about meeting younger people online, my answer with any male would be to do a GOOGLE search engine search on a man's online ID names or ISP background to see what comes up. That was offered after the 2009 NYC killing of newsman George Weber who was knifed to death by the booze and coked crazed horny teenager John Katehis, who he seduced with money on Craig's List.



HONEYCUNT GANGRAPE TO FEDERAL CRIMES: Sado Rape Video View

The horny geezers power fuck and abuse so well the stupid rancid, probably Daddy or Uncle fucked high school slut that wanted to be a famous actress in Hollywood and ended up going for 5th rate porn studios to have her mouth, shithole, and cunt rough fucked, tied up, and humiliated. The Geezers you can imagine, can be married husbands, grandfathers, uncles, assumed to be conservatives in their neighborhoods, but here, pure rapists getting cooze while their dicks can still shoot cream. Some of the Dads would be good to assfuck their shithole asses in a sandwich mount. These filthy straight gangbang and fuck videos turn me on, sometimes they have more technique and authenticity than the many bronzed and robot faced formula fuckers in Gay porn.

Notice that these bondage and rape double fuck techniques on this slut girl are similar to human rights and prison rape watch groups accounts of female inmate and political suspects abused in facilities Globally, by guards, soldiers, or male staff, the same done in cases to male inmates as sex slaves or for mental breaking. The CIA and School of The Americas are notorious for setting up sex torture chambers, often offshored, to countries with no restrictions on rape, torture, and murder, disappearances to keep regimes in power. The porn emulates the hidden corporal punishment World millions of taxpayers deny like stooges exist.



Men Who Love Sex with FULL BLOWN AIDS Males

So remarkable, the Darwinian laws of bio reproduction of a species is lost on no man or boy with sexual abilities, even in disease or deterioraton, the instinct to copulate, ejaculate, fertilize a carnal orifice as one last act that some self element survives. Desperately beautiful. The bottom's rectum feeling the thrust on its walls, the toxic seminal fluids juicing the lining, fertilization after the angst orgasm to bio nightmares in the organs.

A truly Satanic nihilist kind of sexual necrophilia. I think of population control biowarfare with sexual barebacking full blown AIDS males, especially the wasting syndrome ones, the Kaposis Sarcoma males of the 1980s and 1990s with other kinds of lesions and leprous fleshrots were living damned souls incarnate where ever I saw them. All the lovers I had, six of them, died of complications of lymphoma and Kaposis Sarcoma. Before 1996, the amount of toxic poisoning from AZT early treatments had so many men in Southern California sex circuit yellow fleshed and wasting with bloodshot eyes from Jaundice and Hep B and C, the fetid sweat smell, like sour cheese and rottlng leaves I kept enountering left me disinterested in sex after September 1, 1996. There was the euthanasia by lethal poisons kind of sex parties and AIDS suicide clubs going on, wasting body males bareback body fluids drenched orgies in various homes and locales, too early for the Internet early webcam and video streaming technology after 1998. Now pictures and videos, bareback raunch dvds offer raw looks at some sickly male sex actors, though I suspect it may be more from toxic and degernative effects of HIV drug regimens that deteriorate internal organs and brain function. For those men that are already AIDS deteriorated advanced facing death and the horrors of the afterlife life review and Hellzones for souls addicted to flesh lust drives, last days orgies or filth dripping sex with wasting bony or wired men, are final grasps at human pleasure.



EXPOSING YOUR KNEE HIGH BOOTS PUBLICALLY 365 DAYS A YEAR?

EVERY DAY BECOMES REBELLION COMMEMORATION AND AFTERWARDS, IT'S TIME THAT LEATHER AND BOOT FETISH MEN GLOBALLY ASSERT A NEXT WAVE OF INDEPENDENT PUBLIC ATTIRE TO REALLY TEST THE CIVIL RIGHTS OR DEMOCRATIC FREEDOMS OF THEIR NATIONS. AMERICA ESPECIALLY, WHERE FETISH MEN MUST NAVIGATE THE PUBLIC BIAS OF SOMETHING AS SIMPLE AS KNEE HIGH BOOTS IN PUBLIC USUALLY AT THE RISK OF HOMOPHOBIC DANGERS. HAD ENOUGH?

EVERY REVOLUTION REQUIRES IT'S OWN ATTIRE AND MINE, DEVOTED TO THE GLOBAL POP CULTURE MAINSTREAMING OF MEN AND BOYS WEARING KNEE HIGH BOOTS PUBLICALLY AGAIN IS A FETISH RELIGIOUS CALLING SUMMONING IT'S DEVOTEES. 365 DAYS A YEAR. ANY AND EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO WEAR YOUR EXPOSED BOOTS WITH PANTS OR BREECHES INSIDE THE BOOTS, IS HOW YOU CAN ASSIST THIS CAUSE. YOUR PRIVATE LIFE SEXUALITY AND BOOTS VENERATION IS NO PSYCHIATRIC MALAISE.



GOD'S MICROSCOPE SEES BUT RESENTS INCEST JOYS
Remarkable about incest between biological brothers and fathers. For many, it has happened before the legal age of 18 in most nations, age 16 in some. Incest sex of legal age between brothers or ones own biological father, being one of choice, unless some other type of extortion or survival needs ensues, is a profound act of civil disobediance to the ideological and moral codes of scores of societies, particularly if it is same sex, though just as shocking if heterosexual and it produces pregnancies that could lead to inbred deformities. Ones own biological brother. The same flesh and organs, genetic archetypes of the parents, the siblings bred from the womb or even of different mothers. Sexual pleasure and exploration of a body similar to ones own. When romantic love ensues, the ultimate defiance to the Universe, the paradigm of cosmic consequence stilled to witness.



FILM GAYVIEWETTE: AT THE MOUNTAINS OF MADNESS Movie

For Worldwide H.P. LOVECRAFT fans, the complex textured Novella, AT THE MOUNTAINS OF MADNESS, will finally get a multimillion dollar movie adaption by directors G. Del Toro (who made the very Lovecraftian HELLBOY movies), and TITANIC/AVATAR director James Cameron. Studio and film industry leaks since the July 2010 production and revisions began could no longer withhold insider info leaks. The film, with 21st Century virtual reality computer technology will release the epic horror sci fi adventure in 3D format. This tale involves an exploratory team of scientists and archeologists to Antartica in the 1930s to investigate a discovered lost valley that hides the remains of an alien civilization millions of years old and reanimated stellar monsters that shriek "Tek el lili! Tek el lili!" and threaten human civilization if they bring back the Old One's. Many of H.P. Lovecraft's stories and cosmic monsters were and have been difficult to recreate because the technology of believability simply wasn't available yet, that has now changed. Exciting news for followers of the Lovecraft Cthulhu Cult and The Necronomicon book of dangerous faux Demonolatry.



THE GREATEST CRIME ON EARTH IS LOVE

What this, my self invented saying means is that unconditional love, even humane or courteous love, in this capitalist, consumer and war ridden World, is seen as a crime in many instances. Add contempt people have on other people because of age, looks, income, race, sexual preference, occupation, politics, and this saying comes back. Falling in love or loving a person can bring contempt, hate, even violence from some critics or onlookers. The source of the saying came from 3 sources: the George Lucas sci fi film THX1138, a future underground World were human love is a crime, Dennis Cooper's novel FRISK, where the book dustcover jacket described self destructive Gay youths where the MONSTER IS LOVE, how love among such destructive people is worse than their sex torture murders, the last influence was actor Earnest Borgnine, who in one past newscast of the 1980s, tearfully lambasted the abuse and abandonment of elderly people and relatives to neglect and death in America, where he cried in tears, "we're running out of love in this World!" All these influences to Jay Mal signing his websites and blogs with THE GREATEST CRIME ON EARTH IS LOVE no matter how much war, violence, fear, greed exists, as LOVE remains terrifying to a for profit World.



WORLD AIDS DAY POINTLESS WITH BAREBACK SEX CRAZE
BAREBACK CRAZE & WORLD AIDS DAY. 


Many emotional media displays, but words are cheap, like celebrations and then back to same old breed, infect, avoid responsibility. Those of us with Adult sex websites or work in the sex industry have a responsibility to put information and links on HIV/STD education and resource lists for those that go from HIV negative to positive. Barebacking culture and media, as sexually entertaining as it is in private, is a political and social disaster with economic and survival consequences. In a Global recession, mass HIV/STD/AIDS outbreaks combined with the upheavals for affordable healthcare among the non infected populations has led to ideological backlashes, or government related axed funding for HIV services until regional infection rates come down. For the wealthy and insured, survivable, for the millions of working poor and impoverished, HIV/STD sickness without pre-emptive med care, is dangerous and for groups in controlled enviroments, like prisons and detention facilities or homeless, downright deadly.


FILM GAYVIEWETTE: IN SEARCH OF LOVECRAFT (2007)

I didn't have a problem with the BLAIR WITCH NYARLATHOTEP cinema verite angle of this attempt at H.P. LOVECRAFT storylines. I'm a hardcore H.P. fan, bought almost all the book titles of Arkham House publishing and his volumes of letters. I will never tire of seeing H.P.L. themed movies as the Cthulhu Mythos is deathless in whatever book, magazine, cartoon, movie, theater, website format it's tackled. Hell, I survived and bought CTHULHU MANSION! ON this flick, it's said that MEN, whether Straight or Gay, think with their genitals which had me endure the cardboard acting and cheesy special effects to admire the muscled build, tight jeaned package packed, sultry, butch styled and bearded "MIKEY" or actor Tytus Bergstrom (an actual Pro Ballroom Dancer and struggling film actor). His post Iraq war cameraman, rough gun carrying protector of a newswoman and her dipsy teen girl intern, doesn't gell when MIKEY opens his mouth and a faint Gay falsetto man's inflection comes out. But what the Hell, he's like a butch "bottom" at any leather bar who's a walking timebomb in bed. A coterie of occult investigators get snuffed by the S.F. contingent of the Starry Wisdom cult, and my butch love MIKEY, gun blows his brains under Demonic possession. The newswoman sees the mystery stone, survives into mental ward madness. Tytus Bergstrom NEEDS a Gay movie role and pity HE was not cast into the Gay H.P. Lovecraft 2007 film "CTHULHU".



EVERY DAY IS MY WORLD AIDS DAY MEMORIAL.

As a method of population control by certain governments, whether under treated or deliberately encouraged, especially in developing nations or nations under massive foreign debt to wealthier nations, thus axing or barely enabling their healthcare systems, HIV/AIDS, unlike other diseases is still tolerated because of it's "immorality consequence" symbolism associated with sexual behavior and homosexual anal/oral sex, which brings in religious/cultural homophobia. The level of State and mass media crime will develop into uncovered mini holocausts of expendable humanity. There is never going to be a dustbin erasure about AIDS as long as any living witnesses and survivors remain. Over 25 million people have died from AIDS since the summer of 1981. I for one, being HIV positive and documenting my period of social history about AIDS, never want humanity or even the medically exhausted Gay counterculture to forget what they endured just to reach the fragments of equal civil rights they have now.



GETTING LAID FOR LAST TIMES BEFORE NUCLEAR WARS

Reminds me of nature documentaries where a dry lake bed get's seasonal rain water, then it evaporates, but all the water animals, the amphibians, dormant shrimp, fishes, insects have to mass copulate and lay eggs then as the water turns to mud, mass volume attacks and cannibalism till the last survivors get eaten by overhead birds and land animals. There are males that are into sex action by numbers sex or swinging that are using condoms or just mutual masturbation sessions. Male to male sex, by it's social stigma Globally and sensations with the right partners is a physical experience that can't be replicated, even with simulated sex and porn. With hardcore barebackers, their race is to get the most STD strains and action even before and after hospitalizations or near death, which has happened in AIDS hospice care between friends and lovers, I witnessed this in the 1980s and 90s.



MEMORY LANE: NO CLAPS FOR THE CLAP

JAY MAL got the clap at age 17 from picking up a male hustler with great bod and curly hair of the perms craze back in 1978 in West Hollywood, CA famed Gay strip, Santa Monica Blvd. Went to his roommate's apt. And did mutual j/o, then like a lamo, I/Jay Mal wanted to see what it would be like to put the head of his uncircumcised penis into the sphincter of this muscle hustler. Well I went about half and inch, too tight. Worked our tools to climax. Then left. Driving home, crashing asleep. Nary 24 hours later the burning tool phenom and worse as 48 hours beckoned. The local West Los Angeles health clinic was FREE back then with ample Pres. Jimmy Carter "Venereal Disease" treatment programs in cities and the mass media (like sitcoms GOOD TIMES with character "J.J." getting the clap). I went for the embarrassing exam, the fluid emission cotton swab to sample tube, and a thorough interrogation by the snide, age 50ish balding and eyeglassed doctor with too many gold fillings, his female nurse, a kind middle aged blond lady with a clipboard, checked off answers to a prepared questionaire, and NO, I didn't say I had sex with a man, I lied and said I picked up a lobby prostitute at downtown L.A.'s famed BILTMORE HOTEL! The doctor could read my behavior and mannerisms, plus guilt ridden eyes that I leaned closer to homosexual male persuasian. He gave me a paper dispensing cup full of huge horsepill antibiotics to my trembling teen frame. In leaving, the Doc even retorted "don't go busting no rumps cowboy anytime soon".

The physical burning pain, made worse during urination and the health clinic experience had me never copulating into a man's sphincter ever again. It wouldn't be until 1983 where my first experience as a "bottom" was a forced henious experience that didn't produce any VD amazingly at that time.



AUTUMN 2010: WHEN POPPERS WERE RECRIMINALIZED IN AMERICA
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'VE GOT UNTIL IT'S GONE!

As of this writing, the reality is setting in. I was on a whim going to refill an exhausted 4 large bottle supply of various brand poppers from my main Poppers distributor, that national supplier online, advertised poppers, but no orders would be taken for no known timeline because of the wholesalers. Jay Mal, ever the journalist and investigator, did more digging, and three other online poppers distributors had a hold on selling brands because of the wholesale suppliers. A search on google.com revealed the surprise, the August, media suppressed mysterious "suicide" of Poppers King manufacturer and distributor of a multimillion dollar enterprise, Joe Miller, who was also a heavy activist/philanthropist with the Democratic Party, and a shady reputation for boy sex tourism and protege trafficking. Not exactly what the Barack Obama administration or Indiana politicians want around them. The Feds, or more accurately, the Federal USA Consumer Product Safety Commission shut down Joe Miller's PAC WEST DISTRIBUTING/Great Lakes Products company that made the sex culture famous RUSH brands and other Poppers brands, plus the warehouse suppliers. the Feds have gone after online companies selling Poppers with cease and desist legal warnings, the suppliers will be prevented from wholesale distribution to adult bookstores, theaters, and other sale outlets, mainly in Gay communities Nationally in North America. Whatever is available on the market or still sold from overseas suppliers and stores, like Alcohol and Drug Prohibition, will go up in price and black market distribution. Some USA states have already included Poppers as a lower Class A/Class B narcotic substance that can carry jail/fines penalties for sales and possession. Missouri is one USA state that has legalized the ban. At this stage, it appears politicians of both the Democratic and Republican Party are behind poppers weaseled into anti drug legislation. Buy your favorite sniff while you can. The mainstream media and political parties are keeping a distance from this quiet scandal of a great recreational aroma/chemical that fear propaganda blames for AIDS and sex inhalant related deaths of co abuse of verility drugs like viagra with poppers.



LOST HOPE EASIER THAN BELIEVING HIV CURE IS COMING
NEWS MEDIA CLAIMS THAT IN NOVEMBER 2010 PROTOTYPE HIV/AIDS VACCINES TRIALS ARE CLAIMING SUCCESS IN KILLING MUCH HIV VIRUSES IN HUMAN BLOOD.

DARE ANY OF US BELIEVE IT'S HAPPENING? After 29 years of non stop disease, disabling, mass death in millions Worldwide, that an experimental vaccine is showing promise killing the virus in blood? A promo for the Big Pharma and the media for Dec 1, International AIDS Day. JAY MAL has always wondered what would come first in his meager lifespan?

THE LIBERATION OF THE ISLAND OF CUBA FROM COMMUNIST LEADERS

GOVERNMENTS REVEALING WORLD MASS MEDIA CONTACT WITH EXTRATERRESTRIAL/UFO PHENOMENA

THE ENGLISH MONARCHY/BRITISH GOVERNMENT LEAVING NORTHERN IRELAND AFTER 800 PLUS YEARS OF OCCUPATION

SAME SEX MARRIAGE LEGALIZED ACROSS ALL THE UNITED STATES AND TERRITORIES

END OF GAY AND LESBIAN BAN TO SERVE OPENLY IN THE USA ARMED FORCES

THE CREATION OF AN HIV/AIDS VACCINE/MED PROTOCOL THAT KILLS 100 PERCENT OF THE VIRUS IN HUMAN BLOOD

LEGALIZATION OF PROSTITUTION/SEX WORKERS AT FEDERAL LEVEL IN USA

COMPROMISE ON WHICH "ILLICIT STREET DRUGS" ARE NATIONALLY LEGALIZED TO CONTEST THE WAR ON DRUGS SCAM AGAINST AMERICANS

One issue not on the list was accomplished, in 2003 with Lawrence VS. Texas Supreme Court Ruling, the decriminalized oral/anal sex or "sodomy" in the USA (and just in time as Republican Party members and politicians were leading the scandals in media for sodomy type sex preferences outing).



WHEN BOOTS POSSESS ONE'S SOUL!

WARNING!: THE RIGHT PAIR OF BOOTS MAY JUST HAVE ANY SEX PREFERENCE MAN FETISH ADDICTED FOR LIFE TO THEIR LEATHER, SUEDE, LATEX, RUBBER MAGNIFICENCE!

ANOTHER DE-VIRGINIZED FIRST FOR JAY. I BOUGHT ONLINE AND RECIEVED MY FIRST PAIR OF "KNEE HIGH DR. MARTENS 20 EYE STEEL TOED BLACK LEATHER BOOTS" ON AMAZON.COM, FOUND ONE RETAILED IN A FIRE SALE PITCHING THIS MODEL FOR ONLY $111 (I ADDED THE FAST SHIPPING FEE). THE STYLE, RATHER THAN THE BRAND THAT IS NOW GLOBALIZED MANUFACTURED OUT OF THE U.K., STILL ELICITS A MALE ERECTION. WHEN MALES GET ITEMS THAT ILLICIT PLEASURE FOR OUR GENDER YOU HAVE TO SHOUT "THIS IS WHY I LOVE BEING A MAN!"

I HAD TO "INITIATE THEM INTO MAGICKAL EMPOWERMENT RITUAL" IMMEDIATELY, AS I DO WITH IMPORTANT OR SIGNIFICANT USE POSSESSIONS OF MINE, GIVING THE ITEMS ARTIFICIAL LIFE, AS THE TIBETAN BUDDHISTS CALL "THOUGHTFORMS OR TULPAS", THUS AN EMPOWERED ITEM THROUGH RITUAL OR SEX ENERGY DEVELOPS ITS OWN IDENTITY AND SELF-DEFENSE (HENCE NEVER STEAL OR BLINDLY BUY ITEMS OWNED BY MAGICIANS, WITCHES, SATANISTS, SORCERORS, SHAMANS, PAGANS!).

I STRIPPED DOWN, LIT MY PAGAN MALE POWER ALTAR OF FERAL STATUES AND PHALLUSES, THEN WORKED OUT MUSCLE WEIGHT LIFTS AND LEG SQUATS, TORSO TURNS WHILE VISUALIZING THE BOOTS WALKING ON THEIR OWN IN DAY AND NIGHT SETTINGS. I PUT ON A LEATHER VEST, LEATHER CAP, MY SUNGLASSES, MAGICKAL SILVER MILITARY DOGTAGS, A BLACK JOCKSTRAP, THEN ZIPPED DOWN THE SIDE ZIPPER OF THE DR. MARTINS AND INITIATED THEM TO MY NAKED FEET. THEY WERE LIKE BUTTER ON BREAD. SO ORTHOPEDICALLY COMFORTABLE AND EROTIC IN THE LARGER DOOR MIRROR. I ZIPPED THEM IN AND WALKED AROUND IN FETISH GEAR. .

CALLING ON THE POINTS OF THE COMPASS AS I DID THIS RITE DURING THE DAY WITH SOLAR MALE ENERGY (A NIGHT WORKING WILL DO FOR THE LUNAR ENERGY), I CALLED UPON A FERAL DEITY SERVITOR THAT WILL EMPOWER MY BOOTS WITH LIFE AND DEFENSIVE AURA ( A BLACK JAGUAR/WOLF AT MY FEET!). I THEN JACKED OFF INTO AN ARTIFICIAL RUBBER MANASS SLEEVE SEX TOY, VISUALIZING RED FIRE OVER MY ENTIRE BODY AND ANIMATING THE BOOTS WITH THERIOMORPHIC LIFE. EVERY TIME I USE THEM IN SEX OR SELF DEFENSE, THEY WILL BECOME MORE ANIMATED. FORGET BREAKING IN A PAIR OF SHOES. THIS IS BREAKING AND FUCKING IN YOUR HEELS. IA VA HESTA DRA SOOL!



LEE VAN CLEEF: BAD BOOT GOD

Few actors, for their sheer malevolence and tall, long legged, black clad, and booted brilliance so affected the masturbatory, under the bedcovers of myself, in teens, a tender muscled tike, with all sorts of cinematic vignettes and playlets of JAY/Yours truly as a dutiful, hardworking ranch or cattle rustler hand, with actor Lee Van Cleef, in his sinister Spaghetti Western roles: my mentor, surrogate father, belting disciplinarian, besides rewarding me with sweaty, bronze suntanned, slow penetrative anal sex when I displayed exemplary workmanship and behavior. Out of the trilogy of Sergio Leone's main Opus with Clint Eastwood, it was Lee Van Cleef that resonated with a lust/love-hate (Darwinian Natural Selection reproductive instinct?) with such an evil, sadistic murderous character as "Angel Eyes". Cleef's piercing almond eyes and square jaw with mustache and sandpaper stubble, always accelerated my heartbeat with omninous titillation. In later age 20's, pursuing that dominating character and look would be exactly the "answered prayer" that bordered psychological subjugation and abuse from tops I mistakenly loved. Still, for the masturbatory many, Lee Van Cleef is immortalized on DVD features and freeze frame of stills, always welcomes a fantasized vignette for ejaculations to come.



MEMORY LANE: "ONE CAM STANDS" OR "DEATH OF DINNER & A MOVIE
ANYWHERE AMERICA

CHECK FOR ME ON WEBCAM LIVE, A FEATURE OF SOME NOWHERE NO WAY SITE, MY LIL' FUCK AND PUMP, ASS BUMP DOGGY STYLE, ASS WITH BUTTPLUGS OR TOYS STUFFED, POPPERS AND FETISH WEAR AND BOOTS, THAT SHOW MIGHT BE WHAT YOU'LL COME ACROSS AS I WATCH MANFUCK DVD FILMS WITH MOAN AND GRUNT PORN AUDIO, AND WATCHING MY CAM ACTION VIA A MIRROR BEHIND ME. A SET UP, BUT LIKE MANY OF YOU, A GUY HAS TO DO WHAT A GUY HAS TO DO TO LUST AND STAY ALIVE IN THESE TIMES. I WELCOME YOU VOYEURS TO SEE IF YOU FIND ME AT THOSE CAM TIMES OR EMAIL ME FOR A SESSION WITH YOU, THERE IS NOT SHORTAGE OF MEN ON THIS SITE, THOUSANDS UPON THOUSANDS OF POTENTIAL TITILLATION, WORKS FOR ME).......

21ST CENTURY TECHNOLOGY AND WEBCAMS.

FOR SOME LEVITY, AS IF MANY MEN GLOBALLY WEREN'T ALREADY LOVE EM' AND LEAVE EM' QUICK CUM SQUIRTERS AND ON TO NEXT MAN OR WOMAN, ASS, MOUTH, COOZE, CLEAVAGE, ARMPIT, ASSCRACK, HAND.

NOW THAT I REGULARLY PRACTICE WEBCAM JACK OFF AND SHOW WITH ANONYMOUS MEN, THE TERM "ONE CAM STANDS" SEEMS APPROPIATE TO REPLACE "ONE NIGHT STANDS" OR EVEN THE SOMEWHAT CURRENT "SPEED DATING" AMONG SINGLES OF ALL PREFERENCES. YEAH, YOU MIGHT ASK, ESPECIALLY MEN OF MY GENERATION. EVEN AS LATE AS THE 1980'S, BEFORE THE INTERNET AS WE KNOW IT, WHEN PRINT PERSONALS CLASSIFIEDS AND BARS AND CLUBS FOR SEX HUNTING WERE THE NORM, THERE WAS STILL "A DINNER AND A MOVIE" FORMAT TO WORK OUT A MAIN LOVE SQUEEZE.

THAT HAS TAKEN CHALLENGES AS DATING AND MEETS ARE FULLY AUTOMATED AND EVEN INDIFFERENT OF FULL FACE, PROFILE, OR FORM, GIVEN THE SIZE CONSTRAINTS OF SOME WEBCAMS OR FOCUS. I HAVE HAD MORE INTIMATE WORDS OF LUST AND LOVE SAID FROM DECAPITATED PROFILES WITH GREAT BODS AND HEAVING DICKS TO EJACULATION, THEN SOMETIMES A CAM BLACKOUT AND GONE, NO EMAILS OF FOLLOW UP, MAYBE A SCORE RATING FOR MY SEX PERFORMANCE IN POINTS, BUT LIKE MILLIONS OF WOMEN AND SENSITIVE MEN DISCOVER DAILY, IT'S HIT AND RUN, ON TO THE NEXT KILL.

STILL, I HAVE LEVITY, AND GIVEN THAT I AM ONE OF THE LAST REMAINING POST STONEWALL ERA HOMOSEXUALS THAT IS HIV NEGATIVE FOR NOT HAVING CONTACT SEX SINCE SEPT. 1, 1996, AND STILL HAVEN'T VENTURED FORTH IN THE HIV POZ/BAREBACK FUCK AS CASUAL SEX AND DATING CIRCUIT, WEBCAM FUCK AND JIZZING, EVEN FOR "ONE CAM STANDS" IS OK, FOR SURVIVALIST REASONS ALONE. SECONDS OF LOVE AND SOME POSITIVE AFFIRMATION MAYBE FROM VARIED MEN. BUT SINCE I HAVE 10 PLUS YEARS TO CATCH UP ON AND THOUSANDS, MILLIONS OF OVERSEXED MEN OF ALL AGES AND TYPES, I GUESS I'LL FORGO "DINNER AND A MOVIE" AS A FOSSIL INSTITUTION OF ANOTHER JURASSIC ARCHEOLOGICAL AGE. LET THE HUNT CONTINUE!



MEMORY LANE: "HARDFIND: JESUS 2ND COMING VS BUTTPLUGS OVER 7 INCHES IN AN ELECTION YEAR!"
AMERICA 2008

TWIST OF MEDICAL PROJECTIONS I BELIEVED, AT MY SAID AGE, I WAS TOLD IN YEARS PAST HOW MEN ARE FINALLY OR NEAR IMPOTENT BY THIS AGE. I'M IN EXCELLENT BODY HEALTH AND MY INNER PERVERTED LUST FOR SUCH A COMPACT GUY CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT FUCKING MAN ASS AND BEING ASSFUCKED MYSELF EVERY HOUR OF MY 16 HOUR DAY. SO THIS LITTLE INSIGHT ON THE WING........

NOW TO THE NEWS THAT HOMO MATTERS (SORRY BARACK OBAMA, BUT I NEED MY HOMO TIME FOR PERSONAL ANAL ASSFUCK WORSHIP ADDICTION DEVIATIONS THAT WE MANSEX LOVERS PERUSE OVER), BARAK OBAMA DID LOSE THE NEW HAMPSHIRE PRIMARY TO SENATOR HILLARY CLINTON, SO IT'S UPHILL NOW TILL FEB 5 SHOWDOWN NATIONALLY.

HAS ANYONE BUYING "BUTTPLUGS" WHETHER IN ADULT STORES OR ON THE INTERNET FROM VARIOUS SUPPLIERS NOTICED THAT IT'S NEAR IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND RUBBER BUTTPLUGS BEYOND 7 INCHES LONG? THOUGH OF THICKNESS THERE ARE MANY. IN LOS ANGELES, CA, BECAUSE OF OUR BASE SEX INDUSTRY, WE HAVE SCORES OF ADULT STRAIGHT AND GAY SEX SUPPLY STORES. I SEARCHED THE NEAR AND AFAR OF STORES AND SIMPLY COULDN'T FIND BUTTPLUGS BEYOND 7 INCHES LONG. FOR SERIOUS MASTURBATORS LIKE ME, THAT LIKE CONVENIENCE WITH MY BONDAGE PORN DVDs, AUDIO HEADSETS, POPPERS AND BOOTS ATTIRE, THIS IS AS IMPORTANT AS POLITICS ON THE BELTWAY!

PERHAPS IT'S SOME SEX INDUSTRY MEDICAL LEGAL SUPPLY CODE OF MERCHANDISING FOR PREVENTION OF RECTAL INJURIES. I HAD TO BUY LONG DILDOES, THE BIGGEST AT 10 INCHES (SOME OF YOU FISTERS AND GIRTH STUDS WILL SAY I'M STILL IN SEX KINDERGARTEN AT 10 INCHES), WELL, THE "COLT" PORN LABEL HAD SOME PLUGS, THOUGH THE BASE WASN'T THIN ENOUGH AT THE BASE TO STAY LODGED IN MY SPHINCTER WHILE I PUMPED AWAY. A FLASH OF LIGHTED BULBS IN DARK ROOMS HIT ME, MONTHS AFTER I BOUGHT VARIOUS RUBBER DILDOES SIZED FROM 8 TO 10 INCHES. I GOT OUT A HUNTING SHARP KNIFE AND BEGAN WHITTLING THE BASE, LIKE THE HOURGLASS V, THEN LUBED AND TESTED THESE CRUDE NEW BUTTPLUGS TO SEE IF THEY WORKED, YES! THEY STAYED IN MY RECTUM WHILE I DID MY DOGGY STYLE PUMP LOINS ACTION ON PILED BLANKETS (HAVING A DICK FORESKIN MAKES FOR HIGHLY SENSITIVE COPULATION WITHOUT LUBE THAT MANY CIRCUMSIZED MEN NEED FOR HANDJOBS). I HAVE ABOUT $200 WORTH IN DILDOES THAT NOW ARE CONVENIENT BUTTPLUGS (AND I OWE IT TO SOME MOOD SWING BLUES AFTER BARACK OBAMA LOST THE N.H. PRIMARY, BUT LOOK WHAT IT INSPIRED).

MY TWIN BROTHER, ALSO WHOM I REQUEST FOR A MONETARY LOAN IN A COUPLE OF HUNDRED BUCKS, GOT BACK TO ME IN THE AFTERNOON, AND TRANSFERRED THE SAID GREENBACKS INTO MY CHECKING ACCOUNT. ADD A LATE AFTERNOON POSTAL SERVICE DELIVERY OF 2 "PLAIN BROWN BOTTLE" POPPERS BRAND IN A MANILA ENVELOPE FROM AN ONLINE SEX SUPPLY STORE THAT I THOUGHT STOPPED MY 7 MONTH HOME POPPERS DELIVERY. ON MY LIMITED BUDGET RIGHT NOW THAT MY LEASED 900 PHONE LINE BUSINESS HAS HAD AFTER THE HOLIDAYS, THESE SEX BENEFIT AND LOAN BREAKTHROUGHS SHOWS LIFE'S LITTLE MALADIES CAN TURN FOR THE BETTER.

THE MORAL OF THIS STORY. BE SEXUALLY CREATIVE WITH ONE'S RESOURCES WHEN ONE'S MEANS ARE LIMITED. THAT AND POLITICS MAKES FOR STRANGE INSPIRATIONS AND BRAINSTORMS!



IS MEETING ONLINE MEN IN PERSON WORTH THE AFTERMATH? MY MIXED VIEW
A NEW YEAR, DOZENS OF OPPORTUNITIES FOR MEETING NEW PEOPLE AND PROSPECTS, THEN THE RISKS.......

A YAHOO360/MULTIPLY FRIEND BLOGGER RAISED THE TOPIC OF PEOPLE MET ONLINE, WHETHER IN PERSON, IF THEY WERE NICE OR DIFFERENT. IT MADE ME THINK OF MY ONLY AND DIFFICULT EXPERIENCE WITH INTERNET DATING AS OPPOSED TO "OLD SCHOOL" PRE-INTERNET DAYS OF GAY CLASSIFIED ADS AND 900 PHONE LINE MEETS. SO FAR, I'VE RECIEVED SINCE MY PICS AND WEBCAM EXPERIENCES IN LATE 2006, GLOBAL, NATIONAL USA, AND LOCAL SO. CAL OFFERS FOR MEN DRAWN TO MEET ME, ARRANGE FOR SEX, WIRE MONEY AND RESERVE AIRFARE TO BE WITH YOUR'S TRULY, BASED ON THEIR CONCEPTIONS OF JAY MAL FROM MY BLOG AND ADULT SITES. I SHOULDN'T BASE MY HESITATIONS ON ONE PROBLEM EXPERIENCE, THAT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH SEX OR EVEN AVOIDING HIV INFECTION. PERHAPS SIMILAR SENTIMENTS ARE SHARED BY OTHER GENTLEMEN OF THIS BLOGSITE.......

I HAD ONE DATE from a mixed race Asian/White male in 2003 (I've always dated interracially as good and bad men come in all races), that I met on an HIV positive website that had much of my same occult topic interests, didn't mind my HIV Negative status, and was heavy into OZ and prison type movies/TV shows. We met at an alternative rock music night at a Gay L.A. club. I looked no different in person than from my photos and I warned him beforehand. We had a conversation on the phone the night before and I didn't get any hopes up. I had not dated since 1996. Well we met and he was a tad younger than me in his mid 30s and looked quite the goateed, bear stud in black leather. He scouted me first from a distance, clearly seeing I was the only guy in sunglasses in the place, that turned me off, finally when he followed me into the bathroom, and after I took my piss at the urinal, washing my hands I gingerly introduced myself. He was aloof most the night
and had some masculinist attitude about my dancing on the dance floor being so involved with the music. He must have been expecting some prototype "top" from a leather magazine or sparse conversation with hints and foreplay as in porn videos. We had one drink together and one tense dance by the time the club closed. Needless to say he didn't call me again and I didn't probe further.
I've had better dates in the days when it was just personal ads in the Gay magazines than online, with bio and photos. Of course, I haven't done a live webcam or video intro yet, so who knows on my future with online dating.

From a number of the men that I've met on live webcam on yahoo360 and other sites, there not being any voice interaction, but text messaging, even when some men really see me in movement, some of their expectations from my photo stills are altered. Like a Tom Of Finland leather porn cartoon concept that didn't resonate in reality. THE WORST OF ONLINE DATING are men who have met other men on websites then slander, insult, detail aspects of the other man's home, work, body, habits to turn other online men against them. I've had numerous offers for sex and dates online so far, yet the backstabbing gossip really turns me off. Better I feel to find men locally that have nothing to do with my online blogs or Net activity. I've learned to stop ever believing any man that says, "OH I NEVER JUDGE PEOPLE BY THEIR BACKGROUND OR HOW THEY LOOK". Yeah, every backstabber with cosmetic expectations has changed their attitude in person.



SATANISM'S BESTIALITY/KID PORN/BAREBACK IMAGE PROBLEM

SATANISM, as any religious or occult follower to the belief system and that also of Demonology, has a public relations problem that has never stopped since Diabolism was criminalized by Christian/Catholic Church, but also left hand paths in various other religions. Androphile/Homosexual former rep with the Church of Satan, Jack Malebranche, quickly discovered this and the bareback, no limits, oftentimes criminal sexual intentions of Gay/Bi men wanting to practice Satanism for this purpose. Satan was a chief angel from the ancient angelology associated with Old Testament Judaism, particularly the first three books of the Torah, as a servitor of the Monotheistic God to test the self restraint and morality of humans, often through henious forms of temptation. Satan would be a closer force with conservatives or those in power control as opposed to libertines. The Devil, from the Classical Greek Diabolos, who bears much singular creation to an enemy of Gentile Christians and Jews, like others, with the Greek translation of the Hebrew scriptures into the SEPTUAGINT. All perverted activity in blasphemic defiance of religious morality would be more associated with DIABOLISM or DEVIL WORSHIP. The familiar, THE SATANIC BIBLE, by Anton Szandor LaVey, has been the cornerstone for much pop culture and occultists seeking a workable format of "atheism with psychodrama" and religious rituals to "Satan", though more as a patron of self interest. LaVey's books and the COS officially still stands that SEX WITH UNDERAGE 18 MINORS AND SEX ABUSE OF ANIMALS are criminal acts that are to be disassociated with. Anton LaVey, while alive, and in COS views in life choices, does not advocate reckless, dangerous sexual or drug activity that lead to physical deterioration, jail, or death or violence. Satanism as Bareback rampant sexuality for men or women sabatoges the aim of Satanic paradigms, which is power, mastery over one's future, physical eugenics and stamina of survival of the fittest, something deadlier strains of HIV and venereal diseases have wrecked on many HIV positive to full blown AIDS barebackers, often to later life stage dependency on public services or charities (also a condemned issue with Satanic self interest, more akin to Libertarian self sufficiency).



HISTORICAL EUROPEAN PACT FOR FAVORS WITH THE DEVIL

Quite an entertaining read, particularly from the social/anthropological angle of a man in his period's epoch of Capitalism that affected his renouncement of religion for favors on Earth from a Supernatural figure long associated with betrayal and ruin of human servitors. The pact could almost read as a contract to join any number of groups or enterprises, particularly corrupt corporations or organized crime initiation conditions. Amusing are the amount of "escape clauses" like those in some insurance policies for consumers. Human deceivers trying to outwit the master deciever Angel from the Hebraic Judaic religion.

A Pact with the Devil and a Nobleman in Pignerole in 1676

.A Pact with the Devil 1. Lucifer, you are bound to deliver to me immediately 100,000 pounds of money in gold! 2. You will deliver me the first Tuesday of every month 1,000 pounds. 3. You will bring me this gold in current money, of such kind that no only I, but also all those to whom I may wish to give some, may use it. 4. The foresaid gold must be not false, must not disappear in one´s hand, or turn to stone or coals. It should be metal stamped by the hands of men, legal and valid in all lands. 5... If I need a considerable sum of money, no matter when or for what purpose, you are duty bound to deliver to me secret or buried treasure. Nor need I fetch it myself from wherever it may be hidden or burried, but you must deliver it into my hands, without any trouble to me, to wherever I happen to be at one time, to dispose of according to my own wishes and pleasure. 6. You are bound to cause no injury to my body and limbs, and do nothing to weaken my health, but preseve me from human illnesses and injury for 50 years. 7... If, contrary to our expectations, I should happen to become ill, you are bound to procure for me profed remedies to help me regain my previous good health as soon as possible. 8. Our agreement is to begin on this date.. in the year 1676, and to end on the same day in 1727. You are not to tamper with this period or encroach on my rights, or make a false reckoning (as you have often formerly accustomed to do). 9. When my time has finally run out, you are to let me die like all other men, without any shame or disgrace, and be honorably buried. 10. You are bound to make me loves and accepted by the King and all the aristocrats, by high and low, men and women, so that I may always be assured of good will and affection, and that everybody will grant without question what I may desire of them. 11. You are bound to transport me (and any other) without injury to the ends of the world, wherever I desire, no matter how far distant. You are to make me immediately so expert in the language of that place that I shall be able to speak it fluently. When I have satisfied my curiosity sufficiently, you will bring me back again, uninjured, to my home. 12. You are bound to protect me from all harm from bombs, firearms, and other weapons, so that nothing may strike me and injure my body or limbs. 13. Your are bound to assist me in my dealings with the King and help me prevail over my special enemies. 14. You are bound to provide me with a magic ring so that whenever I put it on my finger I shall become invisible and invulnerable. 15. You are bound to give me true and thorough information, without distortion or ambiguity, about any question I ask of you. 16. You are bound to give me advance warning of any secret plot against me, and to give me ways and means to thwart those plots and to bring them to naught. 17. You are bound to teach me whatever languages I may desire to learn so that I can read, converse, and express opinions as perfectly as if I had known them thoroughly from childhood. 18. You are bound to endow me with good sense, understanding, and intelligence, so that I can discuss all problems logically and can give an informed opinion about them. 19. You are bound to protect and look after me in all courts of justice and council chambers of King, Bishop or Pope, before whom I might be summoned. 20. You are bound to protect me and my household from injury, whether domestic or foreign, from theft, and from harm. 21. I am to be permitted to lead my life in outward appearance like a good Christian, and to attend divine service without your interfering. 22. You are bound to teach me how to prepare medical prescriptions and the correct use and administering of them in dosage and weight. 23. If one any occasion, skirmish or fight, I should be attacked or set upon, you are to take up the challenge for me and produce help and assistance against all enemies. 24. You are bound to prevent anyone, no matter whom, for konwing about your accord and compact. 25. As often as I desire your presence, you are to appear to me in a loving and ageeable form, never in a frightening or horrible shape. 26. You are to see that each and every person shall do my bidding. 27. You are to promise me and bind yourself to kepp unbroken these clauses, individually and collectively, and to comply assiduously wiht all of them. If you fal me in the slightest degee or display any negligence, then this pact and accord is null and void and of no force whatever. 28. In return for the foregoing promises, I swear and vow to deliver into your power several men and women. Furthermore, I renounce God, the most Holy Trinity; I wholly renounce the vows made for me at baptism. I step forward with you in a new alliance and submit myself to you both in body and soul, forever into eternity.



MEMORY LANE: WWE OF MUSCLES & MURDER
WORLD WRESTLING AND EXTREME FIGHTING LEAGUES A HOTBED OF CLOSETED ANDROPHILIC MANLOVE ENVIROMENTS

Depending on how one views murder/suicide (gestured population control a la Anton LaVey or Malthusian Darwinism), the Monday, June 25, 2007 murder suicide involving WWE pro Chris Benoit has this loyal WWE/Extreme Fighting fan JAY, asking some long rumored questions about this most ANDROPHILIC of Media Warrior Cults, made all the more sentient by accounts by ex pro wrestler/MN Governor Jesse Ventura, of numerous name wrestlers he witnessed and interacted career wise in male2male lover or male paramour relationships, and male promoters on wrestler's sexual harrassment for career opportunities. The WWE has had an effort suppressing the homoerotic closet lives of wrestlers until, as with certain athletes, questionable infections of HIV or other VD surfaces in media health check up results or periodic blood tests for sports licenses.

It would be an ideal World if it didn't matter what the private lives of athletes were sexual wise, or in same sex romantic or pleasure trysts, so long as they remained within the bounderies of masculine appearance, demeanor, and fraternal order to the heterosexual male majorities. Such an idealism would be a Warrior Caste's dream realized, except when dependents or children or colleagues are caught in the athletes violent, even murderous and suicidal rages, because of a terror of being outed or desmasculated.

Masculinist identified Male MANSEX lovers and Androphiles have no greater television homoerotic idealist hero worship icons than muscled, tanned, smooth waxed, verile professional wrestlers. The deaths in the USA WWE indirectly or covertly linked to steroids contraband and other cashflow rich perks of the business, including homoerotic and other sex scandal cover-ups, organized crime, drugs galore, outing extortion, and career character assassinations may take away the violence as easy career money for the muscled, trained few, that wrestling is a World of masculinist perfection. Wrestler Chris Benoit, joins the late, dead 38 year old Eddie Guerrero, and others into hero worship necrosis. Benoit is accused post-mortem of killing his wife, disabled child, then hanging himself, a star wrestler who for mansex devotees, also played into homoerotic taunting overtones during his various major matches, a tidbit that resonated in variant rumors of Benoit's suppressed sexual conflicts as a front married man in a happy suburban, successful life, the same homoerotic tension media play also overshadowed dead Eddie Guerrero's career. Steroids or the identity issues behind the headlines?


WWE WRESTLER STUD CHRIS BENOIT KILLS WIFE, DISABLED CHILD, HANGS HIMSELF IN ANGST MURDER SUICIDE WITH STEROIDS CONTROVERSY IN WWE OVERSHADOWING THAT MEDIA INDUSTRY.



FULL MOON EVOCATION
"IT IS MY WILL, BY THE LAWS OF UNIVERSAL FAITH, ALL AS ONE"

GOD/GODDESS/ANGELS/DEMONS/ELEMENTALS/ARCHONS/PRETAS/FORCE OF LIFE

FROM MY FLESH, AN AVATAR GOD, FATHER THAT MANIFESTS

"HOLY KING, LOVER, WARRIOR, MAGICIAN"

FROM MY BLOOD, SEMEN, TEARS INTO THE BLACK WOMB OF EARTH

I APOCALYPSE! LORD JUDGE AND REDEEMER! CREATOR AND DESTROYER!

"ENUMA ELISH LA NABU SHAMAMU!"

(WHEN IN THE HEIGHTS HEAVEN HAD NOT BEEN NAMED)

"SHAPLITU AMMATUM SHUMA LA ZAKRAT!"

(AND BELOW, FIRM GROUND, EARTH, HAD NOT BEEN CALLED)

I AWAKEN THE PORTALS OF LIFE, THE GATEWAYS OF DEATH

GATEWAY OF THE STELLAR ABOVE, BE OPENED!

GATEWAY OF THE CTHONIC BELOW, BE OPENED!

GATEWAY OF THE NORTHERN DEATH, AWAKEN FORTH!

GATEWAY OF THE EASTERN DREAM, AWAKEN FORTH!

GATEWAY OF THE SOUTHERN WAR, AWAKEN FORTH!

GATEWAY OF THE WESTERN BIRTH, AWAKEN FORTH!

"ENUMA ELISH LA NABU SHAMAMU! SHAPLITU AMMATUM SHUMA LA ZAKRAT!"

BY WILL IN AIR, EARTH, FIRE, AND WATER!

REANIMATE THE TORRENTS OF RAINS, TEMPEST OF THE SEAS, FERTILITY OF THE SOILS

BEAR COMPASSION FOR ALL SUFFERING, HEALING FOR THE SICK, LIBERATION FOR THE DEAD

LORDS OF THE UNDERWORLD MANIFEST YOUR DREAMS IN PROPHECY

SELECT THE CHOSEN PRIESTS, THE AVATARS, THE LIBERATORS

AWAKENED SAVIORS OVER THE MASS OF NATIONS!

"ENUMA ELISH LA NABU SHAMAMU! SHAPLITU AMMATUM SHUMA LA ZAKRAT!"

IN MY DEATH A THOUSAND FIRES SCORCH THE SURFACE FREE

REMOVED OF LIES, FEAR, HATE, GREED, ILLUSION IN SPACE AND TIME

"ENUMA ELISH LA NABU SHAMAMU! SHAPLITU AMMATUM SHUMA LA ZAKRAT!"

BY THE WILL OF GOD'S CREATION, ALL TRUTH, ALL PERFECTIONS

RESONATE THIS RESTORATION, MY WILL BE DONE!

"ENUMA ELISH LA NABU SHAMAMU! SHAPLITU AMMATUM SHUMA LA ZAKRAT!"

_____________________________________

"DO WHAT THOU WILT SHALL BE THE WHOLE OF THE LAW, LOVE IS THE LAW, LOVE UNDER WILL" - ALEISTER CROWLEY

WHERE FAITH RESIDES, MIRACLES WILL OCCUR



"EVERYONE GOES TO HELL AFTER DEATH?"
WANING AND NEW MOON CYCLES BRING OUT THE WEREPANTHER THERIOMORPHIC SHADOW SENSES. THE COMPRESSION OF ASTRAL WORLDS. THE DENSIFICATION OF HELLS INTO FEARS AND NIGHTMARES.....

THERE IS SOMETHING REMARKABLE ABOUT WORLD RELIGIONS AND HUMANITY'S DOWNTRODDEN HOLDING TO THE POWER AND PSYCHOLOGICAL TERROR THAT "EVILDOERS" THAT MAKE LIFE MISERABLE OR EVEN GROUPS WILL HAVE KARMA/SINS ACCOUNTED AND PUNISHED LIKE LEGAL CHARGES AFTER DEATH. ONGOING SCIENCE STUDIES OF NEAR AND POST DEATH PARAPSYCHOLOGICAL MENTAL PHENOMENA OF MANY MEDICAL PATIENTS HAVE DISCLOSED MORE SHARPER TRUTHS. THAT EVERY HUMAN, EVERY RACE, GAYS/LESBIANS/TRANSGENDERS HAVE ACTIONS/THOUGHTS/DEEDS THAT MERIT THE EXPERIENCES OF PURGATORIES, HELLS, HEAVENS UPON CROSSING INTO THE ASTRAL/POST-MORTEM REALMS. ON EARTH, POLITICAL AND RELIGIOUS, SELF RIGHTEOUS CONSERVATIVES, LAW ENFORCEMENT, MILITARY, PRISON AND OTHER ARBITERS OF ORDER ARE ALSO ACCOUNTABLE FOR THEIR LIFELONG ACTIONS AND CRIMES. THIS IS WHY IN THIS LIFE SUCH CRIMES MUST BE OUTED WHILE THAT MORAL HYPOCRITE LIVES, TO SAVE THEM FROM AFTERLIFE KARMIC TORMENTS. OF COURSE, THIS IS ALL SUPERSTITION, OR IS IT? WHAT HISTORY AND PRESENT STUDIES REVEAL. HELL IS BY DESIGN.



JAY MAL'S DEMON RUM DRINK (KARMA OPTIONAL)

I'VE BEEN ASKED FROM MY PHOTOS OF MY DRINKING LIBATIONS, WHAT IT IS I'M DRINKING AND CONSTANTLY USING FOR A PARTY EXCUSE? MY SPECIAL DEMON RUM. CARE FOR THE RECIPE?

GET A LARGE QUART OR MORE SIZE PITCHER (For Non-USA 360 Members, our nation still uses the 19th Century WEIGHTS AND MEASURES system).

PUT A HALF CUP OF RUM IN (BACARDI IS STILL BORICUA VERY NICE) Tequila can be used too (Jose Cuervo Tops).

PUT A PINT OF "NIGHT TRAIN" or "THUNDERBIRD" cooler liquor in. These 17 Proof Kicker libations are proudly known as 'THE CHABLIS OF SKID ROW" in some Housing Challenged Circles.

PUT A PINT OF SANGRIA WINE IN (I use GALLO in the USA, any brand, the Spaniards, definately, will have the best brands, THEY INVENTED IT!)

Added sweeter flavorings can be CHERRY OR STRAWBERRY cocktail mix or sodas, a tablespoon or more.

Some sprinklings of CINAMMON powder, Nutmeg or Ginger powder for added tang kick.

SERVE WITH ICE CUBES OR CRUSHED ICE COLD, ROOM TEMPERATURE THIS MIX IS LETHAL! A slice of oranges or lemons or even strawberries or cherries so the acidic content will have something to digest when it goes down the gullet and HELL OF YOUR BOWELS.

Pour into cocktail or wine glasses of your choice. Savor, sip, drink responsibly, if you have Demon Rum saved for the next day to refrigerate, you might not be a lush, YET. IN OTHER WORDS "SALUT Y PESETAS!" (HEALTH AND MONEY!)

CENTERS FOR DISEASE CONTROL JUST HAS TO DROP ANOTHER BOMB FOR HOLIDAYS ORAL SEX LOVERS AND BAREBACKERS: NEW SUPER CLAP (No that's not THE CLAPPER, Clap On! Clap On! Clap Off!).



MEMORY LANE: 2007 GAY PRIDE FEST TIMECAPSULE

NO SOONER WAS I SOBERING FROM A MOLOTOV COCKTAIL MIX OF PRIDE WEEKEND LIBATIONS and emotional undertows, that I managed to assess what and with whom I had experienced this Holy Of Holies, for thousands of Gay/Lesbian/Transgender participants and activists, STONEWALL 2007/CHRISTOPHER STREET WEST as it's been known in Los Angeles, CA.

My last Pride Fest was in 2003, more out of obligation to pestering friends and a reminder of dozens of Aquariangothic cut checks to Gay Political and AIDS organizations that are tax deductable write-offs all around for those in the know. I was still in a karmically, prescription drug induced, sonombalistic state since 1996, apathetic to anything except Gothic Rock nightclubs at night. This 2007, having defrosted and reanimating to the human condition and religion, I was determined to participate and circulate among old activist aquaitances and living friends of dead friends, ON MY TERMS.

AN ASPECT I WANT TO SHARE, DESPITE AS STRONG AS I PROJECT MYSELF, I'M STILL JUST A FLESH AND BLOOD EMOTIONAL, AND VERY SEXUAL, BUT RESPONSIBLE MAN, YET IN MOURNING. PRIDE FESTS WEIGH WITH ACHING MEMORIES. I AM/WAS a GAY WIDOWER of various lovers that died of AIDS related illness. Choosing my attire on Saturday/Saturn's Day was an easy choice. As optomistic as I was at the renewed levels of Queer activism and Pride Celebrations, the West Hollywood event was for me a funeral commemoration of 3 generations passed from AIDS and Post-Aids life weathering (that's suicide and homophobic murder interpreted). I decided to dress in Leather and boots with a Gothic disposition, very unlike the bright summer colors and shorts majority crowd I encountered, but shock value and resistence, I really was interested in testing the tolerance of the Queer crowd I had championed for decades. ONE CAN SAY I WAS COMING OUT OF SEVERAL CLOSETS AT ONCE: THE GAY CATHOLIC, GAY PAGAN, GAY GOTHIC, GAY OVER 40, GAY LEATHER, BOOT FETISHIST, POPPERS USER, BONDAGE AFFICIANADO, AND CONTACT SEX ABSTINANT FOR 10 FUCKING YEARS!

The layout hadn't changed much from 2003. Admission was $20 as was parking at the Design Center. Reduced rates were made for disabled and elderly. The familiar stages and the Circuit, Country, and Soul/Latin music tents (one would have thought popular demand would have CSW board of directors make a Rock and Roll mix music tent by now). The entire complex bordered the Pacific Design Center buildings. The EROTIC CITY leather and bondage enclosure had been moved into a labyrinth of back walkways behind the Soul Dance Tent. Well represented were Queer political and religious outreach group tents. Christian and Catholic Queer ministry groups I belong to in some capacity were getting a nice flow of visitors and petition signers. Queer marriage legislations nationally were the top signature board issues. The STONEWALL DEMOCRATS booth had keen competition with the LOG CABIN REPUBLICANS, though the logs had more than a share of passing sneers and occaisional catcalls.

My one drawback sentiment, whether it was just my interpretation, was the Los Angeles Police Department and L.A. Sheriff's Department deputies patrolling the event. From front gate to inside the venues, in clusters or in twos, seemed to be ruder and disrespectful of the Queer visitors, breaking out in laughter or open jokes at a cross section of people in leather, or drag, or just same sex couples holding and kissing in public. This "outreach" for festivals across North America, usually is made of paid overtime cops with arrangements through their unions and public relations move with the cities or towns, though evidently , sensitivity training classes haven't helped. With PARIS HILTON'S incarceration exposing horrific conditions of L.A.'s dangerous jails in the news and corruption with police agencies, I could not concieve of being under the life and death control of such rude cops, male and female, or the homophobia within custody. Something to consider with how our sales and property taxes going to pay for cops salaries.

The big mainstream mixer and breakthough with straights was the EMPOWERMENT STAGE park area featuring 80's stars JOAN JETT and TERRY NUNN of BERLIN belting out some hits under the rancid coaxing of MC/Gay Porn Drag Diva CHI CHI LARUE (who all but had the crowd attempt to drag actress SHARON STONE with friends onto the stage, she was successful).

I circulated through the entire complex, assessing the political significance of the new generations and surviving activists of many of the booths and causes. There were much less physically sick men from various stages of AIDS as in past years (when AZT was the poisonous treatment of choice). Less men with oxygen rolling tanks or emaciated living skeletons. Outreach to wheelchair access disabled was a good success.

Because BOTTOMS and Leather boot fetishists are a staple at many Queer confabs, I was given every type of nightclub promoter party cards and gift bags from various men pitching product and magazine goodie bags. At the portable bathrooms and one of the picnic areas, I was cruised and given phone numbers of males that weren't my type by attire. I did better at the bondage demo tent of EROTIC CITY. I hadn't planned on having vanity stroked, but 10 years is a long time not to be eroticized. Like Straight men looking at women's breasts, I can't count how many men focused eyes on my boots and crotch and legs area. Clearly boots and legs in black are a Queer lethal attention fix.

I left the festival by 11:30 pm as too much circuit music can do me in. I walked with my shoulder sling bag across the street to the RAGE disco and found myself in another quirky insult to the concept of COMMUNITY. A line that stretched around the block had that night's music club promoter surveying the crowd like Josef Mengele inspecting human train shipments at Birkenau. This was the tacky version of a "NEW YORK STYLE DOOR" policy. The man was looking at shoes, attire, headwear, attitude. I was surprised when he approached me, he a mediterranean, spikey haired, Gucci attired trendy. He all but inspected the state of my teeth, he said "nice sunglasses, that leather?" pointing to my vest. I said "and boots too" lifting my right foot to expose the Dr Martens knee highs. He said, "whoa, I brake for boots". On Pride night, this epitome beyond the term, singled six people in a line near one hundred for the guard to escort us to the door and gain entry. Superficial and one of many oxymorons, ironies to the discrimination of race, age, class, looks, disabilities, that still plague Post StoneWall 38 years later. I shelled out the $20 entry fee and entered this club's idea of Lebensborn, with the marjority under the age of 30. Go and figure my night. There was always Queer Church services to attone for my transgressions.




THE TERM "FRIEND" IS A RACE AGAINST TIME

Almost every blog and social network, like adult sex sites in categorizing people that want to join one's profile or webpage, uses "FRIEND" to send others an invite.

It's been a routine process of mine to call people, particularly Gay and Bisexual males in terms that are less personal. After 29 years of the AIDS epidemic killing off most the Gay "Friends" I grew up with since the 1980s and the other half killed off by drugs, crime, homicide, accidents, disease, suicide in big Southern California and elsewhere, the term Friend became like a race against time. Aquaitance, colleague, contemporary, they are terms in the present tense in case fate intervenes again. It also makes it easier calling someone a colleague so they can keep me at a distance in formality. If the 2012 Doomsday doesn't arrive and an AIDS cure comes through, time might come back with human dealings. A explanation why I rarely use "friend" anymore.



GAY4 PAY REVOLUTION VS. GAY PRIDE LIBERATION

"HOMO REGULARIZATION" as the "FATWA" on the USA Homophobic political and religious heirarchy.

"Androphile" author JACK MALEBRANCHE in his 2005 book manifesto ANDROPHILIA, and his defunct past blogsite associated with the CHURCH OF SATAN, had a simple secular and carnal solution to a Non-Straight sexual political revolution. The phenomena of the behavioral mass change in millions of heterosexual identified men and boys from "amateur" websites, clubs, social networks that tied in with the Metrosexual pop culture. GAY4PAY style websites and employment within Gay businesses did much, according to Jack Malebranche for liberation theology than many Gay Pride marches or anti homophobia demonstrations. As men and boys will follow the lowest common demoninator of fulfilling physical needs, and sex is the predominant one.

Supporting, starting, legally protecting the mass Internet "Gay4Pay" and "Amateur" sites devoted to Straight males outing their homosexual drives online, for thrills or pay, is getting the evidence on film and converting another male to the homo counterculture. Sites like seancody.com, brokestraightboys, straighthell, americanheroes, etc, bring thousands of straight men to the counterculture in increments and eventually to the politics of sexuality, or more likely, same sex sexuality and keeping it legal.

Any male magician or sorceror or occultist worth their skills, beyond the sex fetishism of Gay Satanic and other websites or sects, KNOWS, which ritual and ceremonial workings strike at targets or whole political and religious institution systems. If FAITH CAN MOVE MOUNTAINS, it can strike at the World Homophobic Paradigms. With space time bending in an apocalyptic mindset, THERE ARE NO MORE SPECIAL DAYS OR MOONS OR TIMELINES TO FOLLOW. Everyday should be a ritual or spellcasting goal on the homophobic system which will mean different things and representations to different people and males.

The last "regularization" strategm is the most banal, a true "banality of evil". For Gay men and boys to simply have SEX WITH STRAIGHT IDENTIFIED MALES in whatever capacity or venue of opportunity allowed. Homosex with political conservatives, religious right wingers, military, law enforcement, prison personel, media figures, etc, AND ALWAYS GET EVIDENCE, if visual video captured along with other documentation, it works for back up exposes.



STING OF REJECTION BY GAY MEN IN SEX AND LOVE

I've learned much over the last 30 years in the Gay counterculture. I early on realized that the Gay idea of acceptability for some kinds of friendships and romances was related with the Gay adult and movie industry. For Non White men and boys, this has been a challenge too, in a counterculture with mainly White male representations of Gay reality. Then there were the bodily conditions, of Gay visual media and literary themes worshipping, young, under age 30 and smooth and swimmer's build bodies, often with blond hair as the prized possession. It wouldn't be until the late 1990s that hairy, stocky, bearish, and dark haired types of Gay males would be seen as viable sexual and emotional type partners for "mainstream Gay men". 


You can't imagine the amount of "oh I'm not into hairy guys" or "it was interesting once, but I can't get into hairy guys", in racial terms, there were also men of another race that could get into sex with me, but about being seen in public, even in Gay bars or businesses, the inevitable "I'll have to think about it" and the return call never comes. I gave as good as I got though. And some men I didn't want friendships with or found them sexually incompatible. The HIV/AIDS epidemic also added a damper, particularly with men that can only have high risk or orifice penetrative sex, with or without accompanying drugs, such dismissive or expendable comments I've dealt with in my Gay life. Now that I'm pushing age 50's, I've also discovered the reality of age extremes in attraction, with a number of over age 45 men that only want under age 35 men, or under age 35 men that want an over age 35 male as a pseudo mentor or parental figure. Gay porn also constructs a paradigm expectation of what a romance is supposed to look like.

Rejection for Gay sex partners or romance is a navigating game, a thick skin needed, and hypersensitivity is a death knell. The Internet affords some compensation the pre 1998 era didn't. Webcamming with men Globally, faux romances and sexual visualizations in blogs, picture, self video swaps, phone calls to nowhere, it's where you want to take it. I've kept alot of frustrations with Gay counterculture to myself, knowing an outside World needs Queer divisiveness to attack it politically. Gay life and men are always filled with turns, so I never rule out the romantic or sexual unexpected. Chemistry that happens is worth the waiting.


HOMOSEXUALS, HIV POZ, BAREBACKERS TO BE SOCIAL SCAPEGOATS FOR KILLING BEFORE 2012

ONE PARTICULAR DIFFERENCE FROM THE LATHE OF HELL, that JAY MAL founded and used to manage, not now, and this PLANET LOCKDOWN will be POLITICAL media and postings dealing with the extreme right wing in the USA and World, particularly with Institutionalized Homophobia in politics that advance regional Hate Crimes every day. HIV positives, AIDS patients, Active HIV barebackers are pinpointed targets for mass media backlashes.

SEX IS POLITICAL. Don't assume that Barebacking is a guaranteed civil right even after passage of 2003 Supreme Court Lawrence Vs. Texas ruling ending anti-sodomy laws in all USA and possessions, or in whatever nation you live in. Bathhouses, Gay sex clubs, saunas, video and adult stores, gay bars and nightclubs with sexual areas, all such places are vulnerable to zoning laws and community bans. If you are an HIV barebacker, your sexual future will depend on how active you are to politically monitor homophobic motivated regional agendas. Even the Internet is under scrutiny to further ban sex websites and online Bareback communities. Child Pedophilia fears are other propaganda to ban Gay media online and in Gay business communities sex outlets.

Before Dec 21, 2012, in many nations, economic collapse, natural disasters, political upheavals, resource shortages, and paranormal phenomena/UFOs/Psy Ops, will be blamed on scapegoated groups, Gays, Lesbians, Transgendered Worldwide will be easy institutionalized targets of violence and murder, religious organizations and conservative political groups with hate media will facilitate these actions. HIV/AIDS will still be another excuse for repressive laws against sexual civil liberties. In the USA, the Republican Party/Tea Baggers movement are special antagonists to watch for homophobic forms of legislation and election campaigns like Gay Marriage and Gays in the Military as propaganda for persecution. Get licensed and trained to use guns and other weapons and self defense training before Dec 21, 2012. Be ready for the Straight attackers (or Gay serial killers), if you want to survive.



ROBERT The Haunted Doll Of Key West, FL (Voodoo Cursed)

AM COAST TO COAST talk radio with George Noory hosted an unnerving, but whimsical show with paranormal researcher Joshua P. Warren (who directed the INSIDE THE CHURCH OF SATAN documentary). Warren shared with World radio listeners one of the Globe's most haunted dolls, "ROBERT", a 100 year old heirloom handmade doll by an alleged Caribbean female housekeeper that practiced Voodoo and hexed the 3 foot tall toy with psychometric energy absorbant life and presented to a wealthy boy who kept the doll through life and died with the toy, further enhancing an artificial existence through haunted energy. The doll at Key West, Florida, USA, Martello Museum is a folk hero/urban legend of locals and haunted Key West tours, known Worldwide with continuing media coverage. "ROBERT" is malicious, playful, weird, capable of bilocation and projected movement through this haunted museum and has attacked disrespectful humans after making his aquaitance. Haunted artifacts are natural phenomena Worldwide. This doll is claimed by locals as the factual basis of the 1980's doll "CHUCKY" that would populate the "CHILD'S PLAY" horror movie franchise. Photos of the doll on the C2C website and on websites like video clips have also produced haunted unnerving phenomena upon viewers. It wouldn't surprise the many, with such popularity would campaign "ROBERT THE HAUNTED DOLL FOR USA PRESIDENT!"




A GAY ROMANTIC PARTNER VS. A GAY SEXUAL LOVER'S ARRANGEMENT

I had six emotional and sexual relationships with "closet case" straight men in my life before 1996, some had been married to women and some had children, but all were living apart from their past family lives. I never had a relationship with a Gay inclined man. I accepted that men from the sex drive will cheat, so let it happen, whatever time or love I got I took it for what it was. The cruising sex lives of all my boyfriends led to HIV infection and full blown AIDS. My last past lover died in 2003. You might say the AIDS epidemic cut into my ability to really find out what a longer term relationship was. In 1988, I had a sexual lovers arrangement with a man in his late 30s, a bearish White male, balding and stocky that was the best "honest relationship" I ever had, it lasted 3 months, but was worth enjoying a real physical involvement with close feelings, but no real pressure to commit. 


"NORMAL" or Gays not being able to be "NORMAL" and commit is debateable. The institutions that straight boys, girls, men, women have like pre teen dating, high school sweethearts, college romances, legal rights to marriage, romances in the military, in careers, alot of that is not yet realized to millions of Gay males or having committed long term same sex couples as role models early on in life. Maybe the paradigm of Gay commitment will change if and ever Gay marriage legalized in most countries and Gays being able to be open in the Military will show that romance can exist in all aspects of "normal" life attributed as civilization and generational institutions. Also, when AIDS and HIV is more controllable and curable, more men and boys will think that life is longer and not so short term or self destructive to get as much free sex, drugs, and money out of other males which is what a lot of the "Bareback" lifestyle mainstreamed for the last 15 years keeps telling Gay males.



FANTASIES AND GETTING MURDERED FROM ONLINE CONTACTS....(A Case From Memory Lane)

THE GLOBAL INTERNET IS A DAILY TRACKING SOURCE FOR KILLERS AND HUMAN TARGETS TO FIND EITHER DIRECT OR UNPLANNED CONTACT. GAY/BISEXUAL MEN AND BOYS, BECAUSE OF THE SOCIAL STIGMA OF MANY NATIONS ARE IN PARTICULAR VULNERABILITY BECAUSE OF COVERT OR RANDOM ARRANGED MEET UPS, SOME THAT HAVE LED TO CRIME, ROBBERY, VIOLENCE, OR MURDERS. MANY SERVERS AND WEBSITES HAVE "DISCLAIMER CLAUSES" ABOUT MEMBERS ACTIVITIES OR THEIR AFTERMATH UPON MEET UPS.....

A VETERAN JOURNALIST IN HIGH DRIVE NEW YORK CITY, A LATE MID AGED MAN WITH A FETISH FOR VIOLENT SADO SEX AND DRUGS, hooks up online with a quasi Bisexual 16 year old teen boy from Queens into knives, Satanism, drugs, violence, the result, the journalist killed and stabbed 50 times by a minor he himself intoxicated on Vodka and cocaine. The popular classifieds website CRAIGSLIST was blamed, yet through the process of deductive reasoning, it's not so simple, and under age 18 minors are the worst aspect of negligence on the website servers for getting onto sites with adults.

BLAME GOES ALOT ALL AROUND. JAY MAL has online mansex porn entertainment websites with hundreds of members, and hook ups and arrangements for sex dates go on regularly or are planned. I have even posted warnings about having back up plans when meeting strangers or letting others know where they might be or leaving notes around home or on cell phone or other data like an I POD. Hardcore porn, violence, fetish, occult mixes on the sex circuit are the norm now online and a person with a nice decent profile on a dating match site, might be a member of a hardcore fetish sex network or even be HIV positive/VD infected or into violence and borderline criminality or has practiced homicide.

GEORGE WEBER evidently had few scruples in going after an underage minor age 16 in John Katehis of both in the larger NYC area, or Weber having outlawed cocaine around or enticing a minor. XTUBE.com was stupid in not being able to screen out under age 18 minors on their site, as Katehis was age 16. The teen psychos parents, evidently had some negligence in letting their teen go haywire with his occult and knives and pre teen sex online activities or his wheareabouts after nightfall or around a dangerous urban area.

ALL DATING AND SEX NETWORK SITES ONLINE and other members have a role in identifying and keeping track of dangerous criminal persons preying on other members, and the server or website posting warnings about meeting strangers or in unfamiliar locations as risks to the parties involved.

Young John Katehis also ruined his life, now at risk as a "bisexual" street punk to adult inmates and cons and will be in danger of sexual and violence attacks on his body or a premature death in juvenile corrections. GAY MEN, are naturally taking the blame by the mainstream mass media, but the excesses of the sex circuit make some of the blame become more apparent to truths each day.



WHAT CREATES A "SATANIST/BLACK MAGICIAN/LEFT HAND PATH OCCULTIST"?

Many paranormal researchers ask pertinent questions, in depth that go beyond the concepts of many Gay/Bi men drawn to "Satanism" for purely sexual reasons, or the sexual ritual paradigm of centuries or the Black Mass gave fame to.

It would be pertinent to say that people/humans drawn at a very early age, even pre age 6 childhood to a darkside fascination or Gothic mindset to scary things, which in the West, Halloween and horror films lend easy openess to, later to scary children's stories and cartoons, that "reincarnation" or a previous reality of a lifeforce or "karma" creates such an early instinct for the Darkside. At the most extreme, such as the case of Gay/Bi serial killers, like Jeffrey Dahmer, a mix of childhood supernatural and criminal tendencies, could lead to a theory of reincarnation of Non Human or criminal human souls into a new life.

The late Satanist, ANTON LAVEY posted this issue in his various books and writings, though he was almost exclusively an atheistic, non paranorma focused Satanist, whether Satanists are born, not made. A closer view would be that "Darksiders", particularly drawn to occultism and esoteric practices like witchcraft or sorcery, have a genetic and reincarnated mutual factor in their early development. Other esoterists and religionists have added family lineages or ancestors with occult curses or Left Hand Path occult practices as having kept future descendents locked within a repetitive negative energy after new births.

Black Magick and the Left Hand Path in various religious and occult systems, for the person drawn to them, will have a natural ability to construct and create their workings and goals, even without particularly focused occult books and teachings. Malefic Gods, Demons, entities, and dead spirits, like mind projected extraterrestrials, will make their forces and powers known to the practitioner, for constructive or malefic ends, including the life longivity of the practioner.



CRUISING MOVIE: MUTILATION EXEGESIS

I can't look at CRUISING, the William Friedkin movie from 1980 without breaking out into a sweat, or keep from getting a terror erection. This movie both aroused closet case men and their homosexuality and terrified them in theaters across the USA. The visceral sadomasochistic torture sex killings of the internalized homophobic murderer (alleged to a broadway musical college major student), with knives and binding, played into the media minds of homophobic politicians before Ronald Reagan became President or 1 year before 1st cases of AIDS. JAY MAL, already haunted by a rigid repressive religious family and a horror genre paradigm Worldview, didn't heed the warnings of Gay killers from this movie as three years later, he/I would be violently raped in my first anal sex experience and almost murdered by an older man in 1983. I survived, but was traumatized and sexually fascinated with rape, murder, torture, and Gay serial killers to this day. CRUISING showed a Gay NYC counterculture that would emulate itself over 29 years later with the bareback/sex extreme online culture we see at present. No remake has been made of CRUISING, but some Gay serial killer films emulate some aspects like FRISK, HARD, THE SECRET LIFE: JEFFREY DAHMER, even the ridiculous SKULL & BONES.

Unless YOU want to be bound and hogtied naked, on your stomach, then stabbed with a hunters knife across your back and spine as the blood gushes out while you thrash and scream for mercy or until you accept the horror and die, a sadohorror sensation death, which is the first murder in CRUISING of a jockstrapped handsome college professor who picks up a leather sunglassed stud at a leather sadist bar in NYC. The first murder brings to mind what people experience upon coming under the control and sadism of a killer and whether you will live or die. Even masochists that want a brutal death suicide by another's hands, often change their mind too late, as the torture and blood stabs or mutiliation commences at the pace the killer chooses. I enjoy the bottom role in live contact sex, but flashbacks of my own violent rape at age 23 have me masturbating to porn where I am the rapist and my bottom victim is bound or gagged and it's a prison, military, or police rape scene. Murder and torture are fantasies that often follow. If murder and suicide were legal in most countries, there are enough extreme sensation men that would want such encounters and deaths as the willing meat victim of cannibal Armin Meiwes would show decades after CRUISING was made.



MAKING ANAL WAR UPON THE DOWN LOWS!

THE RICHER AND MORE PUBLICALLY VISIBLE THE CLOSET CASE MALE IS, IN POLITICS, MILITARY, RELIGIOUS INSTITUTIONS, SPORTS, ENTERTAINMENT, ETC, THE BETTER THE DOWNFALL OF A "DOWN LOW" HYPOCRITE. IF STRAIGHT MEN WANT TO SABATOGE GAY MARRIAGE, GAYS IN THE MILITARY, BASIC CIVIL RIGHTS, NO JUSTICE, NO FREE DICK!

Any Gay or Bisexual male that flips a down low Straight guy, especially one that is married, has a fiance, or girlfriend, even children, is doing that closet case a favor, making him face his real self and choose. There are even consistent cases of Straight women that will allow the man to have his homo flings as long as the affairs don't involve another woman. It says alot about how valueless Gay romance is seen from Straights, so fuck the man, out him, extort him if he's dangerous, snuff him if he crosses the worst lines, but get the cum in his mouth and backstabbing rectum shithole. Add a curse from Satan for good measure. If he falls in love with you, take that straight for everything he has. Let him live in fear and want for a change. It sucks for everyone, having to stay in hiding. In any case, the website of seancody.com has scores of real Straights, hard to believe, not caring about their reputations for a little Gay for Pay money, and fucking or getting fucked by real Gays or another first time Straight guy. In prisons, there the real Darwinian natural selection can happen, the most masculine, attractive, self confident, can be force flipped from a Straight, into his worst closet case nightmare, begging for assfuckings upon reentering the Straight mainstream World. Homophobic Straights are often the biggest public sex whores and bathhouse fucked cunts. Out, fuck, and ruin every last one.



SEXUAL DESECRATION OF A HEADLESS MAN

Perusing a variety of beheading videos from different parts of the World, where I can track them or their embed codes, whether they are from executions, hate crimes, simulated snuff, and mostly MEN, the turn on is where some select few are thinking the same thing. Throughout history of beheadings, where the bodies were stored afterwards or by killers to secretive places, if an executioner, killer, mortician or coroner/doctor, gravedigger, crematory worker, had sex with the beheaded body while it was still warm or even if cold and in rigor mortis. I do get wood, hard ons and my imagination runs in scenarios and playlets of such types of body handlers or even myself stripping the body slowly of clothes, and turning the body face down, lubricating the man ass rectum, then calmly fucking the headless corpse, feeling up the nipples, stomach, talking romantic intonations to the piece of meat like "how beautiful you are even now, so hard, not a word of complaint, just want to fuck and cum deep in you". For men into ass eating, rimming those dead asscheeks without any complaint. Some of the videos of Mideast men, those asscakes under kaftans or robes, might by grimy and fetid thick. Some bodies in shock even emit one last defecation and urination. Some executed male asses in videos are even round and firm. To have the head of the decapitated man, while I am fucking the ass cheeks, staring dead eyed at me, brings in the Demonic element, the Earthbound lifeforce fuming and fascinated at one last desecration after death that he can't protest, except when I'm deceased and he takes revenge in the Hellrealms.



1ST TIME ANAL SEX VIOLENTLY RAPED

STRANGE HOW "GAY" MALE RAPE CAN BECOME EROTICIZED EVEN IF THE FIRST TIME MIGHT HAVE BEEN TRAUMATIC. I WAS SHARING MY EXPERIENCE WITH BEING RAPED ONCE, AND HEAR OF MANRAPES FROM OTHER MEN AT GAY BATHHOUSES, GYMS, GAY BACKROOMS, SEX CLUBS, EVEN SEX PARTIES. RAPE BEING WHEN A MAN IS TOLD TO STOP PENETRATING A MOUTH OR RECTUM BY THE BOTTOM AND FORCE THEMSELVES UNTIL ORGASM, OR WITH STRAIGHTS, JUST FORCING THEMSELVES ONTO A WOMAN (I KEEP THINKING ABOUT BASKETBALL STAR KOBE BRYANT AND THE WOMAN THAT SAID HE ANALLY VIOLATED HER EVEN THOUGH SHE WAS A HOTEL WORKER ORIFICED FUCKED SLUT)

JAY MAL, HIS FIRST EXPERIENCE WITH BEING FULLY PENETRATED IN ANAL SEX, LEGS UP POSITION, WAS A RAPE AT AGE 23 IN SILVERLAKE GAY DISTRICT OF LOS ANGELES. I PICKED UP AN OLDER MALE CENTRAL AMERICAN LATINO AT A DISCO THERE, WENT TO HIS APARTMENT, AND IN THAT MURKY AREA OF GETTING IN POSITION AND LETTING A MAN JUST PUT HIS DICK IN SLIGHTLY TO GET A FEEL, WELL, THIS GUY WANTED TO GET OFF, AND PUT A GOB OF LUBE IN MY RECTUM, THEN WITH A QUICK SHOVE, RIPPED ME OPEN, COPULATED AND CAME BAREBACK, THIS WHEN AIDS WAS STILL UNKNOWN AS TO THE OFFICIAL CAUSE . FOR SO MANY YOUNG MEN, MIXED WITH FEELING SEXUAL, LONELY, VULNERABLE, MANRAPE ANALLY OR ORALLY IS A VARIABLE EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE. I REMEMBER FEELING THAT NOW I WAS DOOMED. I RETHOUGHT THE RAPE IN SEXUAL DESIRE, AND ALSO IN DREAD. I WAS TESTED WITH THE PRIMITIVE HIV TESTS BACK THEN, AND IT WAS NEGATIVE. ODDLY, MY RAPIST WAS HOSPITALIZED SOME MONTHS THAT SAME YEAR WITH A CYST ON HIS LUNGS, EVIDENTLY SIDE EFFECTS OF PAST TUBERCULOSIS AND ALSO LUNG PROBLEMS FROM SMOKING. FROM HIS FRIENDS IN THE GAY BAR SCENE, I WAS TOLD A YEAR LATER THAT THIS MAN, MY RAPIST, HAD LEFT L.A. FOR A MEDICAL FACILITY IN THE FAR SUBURBS FOR A LUNG DISABILITY THAT GOT WORSE. IT WAS MY SUSPICION THAT DARK ENERGIES OR FORCES SETTLED THE CRIME FOR ME. FORTUNATELY, I WAS NEVER RAPED BY A MAN AGAIN, BUT DID SLIP INTO BAREBACK SEX A FEW TIMES. I STOPPED ANAL SEX ACTS IN 1988 AS AIDS WAS RUNNING FULL DEADLY STEAM BY THEN.



JOYS OF GAY DEMONIC POSSESSION

OF LATE my Divination sessions with mirrors, pork bone runes, consecrated semen, have brought out a field wave of lower vibration energy, a kind of 1st tier Demonic Possession, contact with dead soul murderers, astral larvae, sexual incubi, dead homosexual Earth Bound souls belching blood and semen out of their zombie mouths. It took me 30 years to manage the rituals and containment amulets to control such phenomena, what they reveal to me is the Lathe of Hell.

Painful and bloody delights for my taste. My desires have gone to blood as retribution slaughter for sexual pleasure. My parnter/victim of choice, a religious or political right wing homophobe for tying face down on a bed, cutting his clothes with a knife, the victim kidnapped as prey, fucked in ass over days, cleaned out the shithole, fuck again, then begin the extracting of blood with hyperdermic needles for saving and refrigeration. The culmination, the head sawed off, blood saved in a bowl. head kept as a souvenir. The headless body assfucked as necrophilia while doing mental divination. The blood smeared over my body like a salve. Could never get enough of such plays or the corpse dismemberment and burning.



LONG PIG RECIPES

Memories brought me back to the topic of LONG PIG meat cooking details while researching Gay serial killers online. There was an article, if one makes a Satanic tie in, of Church of Satan founder Anton LaVey and his daughter, Zeena LaVey, it was Zeena who in an edition of either THE BLACK FLAME, a Satanic magazine or 5TH ESTATE a conspiracy rag, admitted to attending a dinner where a doctor friend of the LaVey family obtained a male human leg, which was cooked rotisserie style and basted with a mint sauce. Human meat is said to taste like pig pork, hence the name LONG PIG for humans which are upright, long bodied, biped mammals.

There were the more recent famous LONG PIG cooking styles of Gay Cannibals Jeffrey Dahmer and Armin Meiwes, the German Cannibal, though this is a contradiction in terms, in that Jeffrey Dahmer was also almost full blooded German ancestry stock. A most curious explanation of people of European ancestry that are genetically inclined to cannibalism (as opposed to the Western belief that Non White aboriginal people's of Non European nations were the only groups practicing cannibalism).

If LONG PIG was the only meat able to be procured in the future, say in some post apocalyptic period of famine or war related food shortages with an abundance of available dying and deceased humans, and if some ingredients were available beyond the necessary fuel or firewood or barbecue grills. I would be inclined to cook my long pig cutlets from the arms, the buttocks/rump roast, and the legs, most definately men.

LONG PIG cutlets breaded with spices and fried with onions and potatoes would be a preferred entree. I am also partial to LONG PIG cutlets sauteed with garlic, onions in a sauce. Ground meat LONG PIG would be good for hamburger meat or LONG PIG meatballs too. There are also the practice to spice the LONG PIG meats and smoke them for HAMS or dry out in strips for a kind of Beef Jerky that has been practiced in some aboriginal cultures. Where available with wines, seems Red Wines would go with LONG PIG well.



GIANT PORCUPINE AND FERAL CHILDREN OUTSIDE MY HOUSE


TOTEM ANIMALS VISITING HUMAN DREAMS IN THESE ENDTIMES WITH ANIMAL EXTINCTIONS LOOMING WORLDWIDE. ESOTERIC PHENOMENA

Today, in the stifling Autumn heat, while asleep, I dreamt of an unlikely animal as well.

I was looking outside my house bedroom window at noises outside and under the house, opening the window, I saw ragged, hungry, disheveled feral children, homeless, that had been sleeping and making a makeshift home under the house foundation with their dirty belongings and blankets. The poverty and desperation repulsed me. Looking further into the yard, there were piles of lumber from a construction project, and in the shadows was a bluish hued and omninous huge rodent creature, it communicated it was AN AFRICAN PORCUPINE, not the species of the Americas, with a huge sway crest of needle quills along its back. The porcupine, came dodging out of the lumber den, and jumped up into the open window with me, wide and eyed and petrified because it could communicate, it went circling around the room, then went into the rest of the house, while I wondered to call the animal shelter, the feral children outside, were apathetic, eating old food they took out of stained bags, I slammed the window shut, then felt a rational calm as the huge African porcupine was settled peacefully in the living room sitting down on an armchair twitching its large rodent mouth in reverent phrases.

DECONSTRUCTING THE ESOTERA:

I have never had a porcupine totem animal in my dreams, much less the foreign African back crested species or of its huge size. Dream interpretation of porcupines often indicate a want of someone close or attractive, but dangerous to touch, or leaving unfamiliar new people with coldness. They are also solar and fire element animals because of the quills with colors at tips. In African mythology: Porcupine
For people in Ghana and Ivory Coast a porcupine signifies the invincible warrior but is also associated with chief's power. Similarly, it also increases a fighting strength for Ashanti warriors.

I have to admit, aside from the Giant African Crested Porcupine I saw as a power totem animal of one of my dreams that talked some ascended animal consciousness to me, the Porcupines are weird, goofy, cute in a threatening way kind of rodents. And for any human dealing with being HIV Positive like me, they are a subconscious projection of feeling aloof, threatening, toxic to both touch and be touched by other people and lovers. I had no idea the porcupine also is one of the few mammals that carries it's own antibiotics, meaning the tips of quills being dangerous for necrotic bacteria if puncturing other lifeform's flesh (sort of like an HIV positive's blood contaminating other bloodstreams if exposed).

Porcupine's Wisdom Includes:

Innocence

Trust in Spirit

Renewed sense of wonder

Creating your own path

Protection of boundaries

Defense when threatened

Allowing others their path

Non-interference



MEMORY LANE: "DREAM DESCENT INTO THE UNDERWORLD"


"GOD IS AN ASTRONAUT, OZ LIES OVER THE RAINBOW, AND ALL THE MONSTERS RETURN TO MIDIAN" - From CABAL/Film NIGHTBREED by Clive Barker

CALL IT THE BARDO, HADES, SHEOL, HELL, THE MICTLAN, GEHENNA, PURGATORY, INFERNO, "THE UNDERWORLD", THE SHADOW PLANE, ASTRAL DIMENSION BETWEEN REALITIES, IN VISIONS/NIGHTMARES/HALLUCINATIONS, AND OUTSIDE LIFE, "INSIDE THE DREAM OF DEATH", this vibratory world magnified by thoughts and emotions into virtual REALITY, has accelerated as this voyager has aged. My 40's only extending the keys from a lifetime of tragic and physical tests. This period was no different.

2007 LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA, USA

A SERIES of nightmares concerning my flesh rotted from HIV Kaposis Sarcoma cancer lesions, the terror paradigm of disintegration, social degradation adding to a lifetime of stigma from all societal prejudices that matched me at particular times. These visions, based by past signs, unfold nefarious events, more tests, usually extending to a circle of relatives, friends, aquaitances, animals, even inanimate machines and appliances. Over the week, after 3 years good health in my home business, a severe head/chest cold assaulted me, my age 70's father, also afflicted with the chest cold, and my older diabetic and blind sister, "THE SAINT", hospitalized for surgical abscesses on reproductive organs. Our once fractured, tense blood family clan, with the return of my twin brother from reserve duty in the Bush Administration's action on Afghanistan this past February 5, had reunited. The collective unity to help and telepathically project healing thought and prayers to the immediate afflicted proved itself in radiance.

Self placed in quarantine with fluids and meds, plus sleeping sedatives for insomniac nightmares, one evening , as phlegm buildup stuffed my nostrils, added stinging pressure to my lungs, exhaustion fueled by a 90 plus fever, my head wrapped in wet towel, I went into life introspection, word weaving an esoteric mantra, and enunciating Enochian keys for approaching dream divination. In the low nightlight, quietly suffering from suffocating pain, I recanted ever having ignored or underplayed the suffering of past and present men with AIDS or humans in physical illness and suffering alone. My aching muscles, and needle stinging lungs with each wracking cough came as close and feeble to a post Catholic penance. Towards midnight, the nasal medication's alcohol mix crept in. I lay back, imagining resting face up inside a flat boat on calm black waterways.

ARRIVING IN THEIR WORLD, usually without effort or by surprise, since 1996 when astral cogniscence had mentally advanced, the process seemed as chillingly normal as a walk through any crime risk street or community in evening cities/towns globally. THE UNDERWORLD, the shadowy landscape seen in countless paintings and cultural graphics with rusty skies and distances flickering in bitumen fires or torches, the shifting movement of spectral humans and the mediators. Beings defined as Lords or Gods, Elementals or Demons. These sentient on the arrival's emotions, knew when full manifestation was needed. Walking on the dirt paths I examined my arms, I was dressed in clothes rags, more a modesty, my skin diseased and mottled. The "current" of the realm was cthonic, lower vibratory, nothing resembled life here. I dreaded to accept my past relatives, dead lovers, friends, humans clutching to deathbed Jesus prayers and visions of lighted paradise would cross here first or other similar vortices. The Dark Ones, as I'd seen them in other horrific and mocking forms arrived to study me. Occultists and religionists having encounters with such elementals can relate to an instinctive feel of being among predatory killers, beings that not having been within our cycle of simian incarnations were ANTEDILUVIAN, originating from "BEFORE THE FLOOD", the reverse of creation. There were a least six of THEM spaced out, their vestments interlaced with metal and they wore black masks. I reached out to touch one, gazing at its glaring orange brown eyes. Solid surface and warm, bone structure.
What language being telepathically communicated had no phonetic base or occultic origin that I'd researched, neither Akashic, Enochian, Sanskrit, other.

I said/thought "HASN'T GOD HAD ENOUGH OF TORTURING AND KILLING US FOR THIS?" I gestured to that landscape, shadowy, smokey, pools of dark water in rocky outposts, diseased, excrement smeared, and pathetically suffering humans, some children, wandering about not wanting to be seen. There was indifferent response from the hosts. The waystation was the necrotic pathway between realities, other locales, as I'd seen them, had worse or more manipulative lessons to teach the arrivals. Another engregore held up the familiar obsidian mirror carved to hold water, holding it out before me to reveal my features. My face appeared scarred and sucked of life, dead tissue as if from radioactive poisoning, a web of crimes outlined behind my head in flashbacks. I was bolder than I'd imagined, damned or condemned, I scoffed, "IF GOD HAD ABANDONED US, THEN YOUR WISDOM HOLDS THE PROPHECY OF RESURRECTION, THE KNOWLEDGE TO HEAL ANY PLAGUE OR DISEASE THAT HARMS HUMANITY. A TRADE FOR A TRADE" My past had involved necromancy and demonolatry in altering physical events and lives. 10 years karmic penance had been made as consequence for these transgressions.

Stinging pain re-entered my chest cavity and lungs. One engregore approached holding out a crudely carved goblet from jade or green crystal, inside a wine fermented, as it claimed with blood, tears, underworld water. The keys to unfolding the treatments of human diseases, removing the obstacles to their projection into human pharmaceutical scientific minds, I had to trust their insights and RETURN to their reality. I had absorbed a locale so familiar to my nightmares, even in religious Catholic faith, a trade for a trade. I accepted and drank the mixture feeling its icy penetration in my veins and organs. From between the skin pores I was luminiscent, the pure state of life. "WHY DID I LIVE ALL THOSE YEARS?" I asked. About the only explanation returned related to INSTINCT. I had ALWAYS known what I was. Pure instinct, to love, to hate, to destroy and of a long series of lives. I was polaric, learning as esoterists had learned for millenia, how to live and what mistakes to fear repeating. Death and destruction would follow me for life with moments of joy. Those were the "windows" I ached to experience however brief.

Smog closed in around me, those murderous priest beings, whose dead eyes surveyed those blasted alien wastes would follow me for life, WE were of the other, their oversight would protect me against terrestrial danger, so they affirmed. They were the keys I sought in all aspects of war and innovation. Sleep and blackness. Blessed deathless sleep. I'D RATHER pure disintegration than any more lives.

Nine hours in dreamless, numbed sleep passed. My bed and blankets were drenched in sweat. My muscles and chest ached, but the swelling and phlegm had subsided, the fever was gone. I drank a pint of Gatorade, feeling dehydrated, my eyes were stinging from crusted tears. I called my mother and asked about my father and older sister. My elderly father had taken immune booster meds as his chest inflamation subsided with herbal supplements. The older sister, would be released from the hospital after bloodless surgery with full recovery and zero side effects from antibiotics, members of her church circle had stayed overnight projecting prayers for recovery. As a trinity of relatives, our bodies and faith had been tested and physically strained. This lunar cycle our wills we're unified. In whatever spiritual path, this year was unfolding for healing, reanimation, and faith even nightmares could not destroy.


MEMORY LANE: PARANOIA OF SEROCONVERSION TO HIV POZ....


"THE NIGHTMARES OF AWAKENING"

THE METAPHYSICS OF AMYL.....THE BRUTAL FEARS OF LIFE....THE WAR WE DON'T WANT....OR READ AT YOUR OWN RISK...

In Early February 2007, on the third night of a full moon, I had a lucid, 3 dimensional "remote viewing" series of crystal clarity dreams that still haunt me given that it hasn't been since pre-September 1996 that the same monstrosities entered my subconscious as contact with paranatural evil. I WAS STANDING BEFORE MY BATHROOM MIRROR, EXAMINING HIV/AIDS KAPOSI'S SARCOMA LESIONS THROUGHOUT MY BROWN SKINNED BODY, my reaction to the bloated disfigurement was akin to JOB of the Old Testament anguishing to Yehweh/Jehovah why he had been socially ruined and struck with boils. 3 Queer films had similar kaposis lesion scenes on their protagonists, PHILADELPHIA, A HOME AT THE END OF THE WORLD, MANDRAGORA, and there are others. The hypothetical time lapse vision was a prophecy and a warning. Because 30 years of occult and psychic development had allowed me the process of interpretation, simple psychiatric and psychological analysis was a secular comfort zone. The dreams also coincided with a return on my part to the use of Poppers in sexual self practices. I've heard of objects and lifeforms having psychometric "totems symbols", but bottled amyl nitrates appeared to belong to an engregoric form KAPOSI'S SARCOMA disfigurement apparitions. KS, until the mid 1990's was misdiagnosed as HELPED IN CELLULAR DEVELOPMENT from poppers/amyl that thousands of Gay/Bisexual men were using in sex practices since the 1960's. The studies have proven inconclusive as most metabolisms adapt to moderate amyl use on the tissues. When I related these dreams to my occult friends and circle of Gay associates I was bleakly comforted by admissions that these disfigurement and diseased nightmares have been consistent IN THEIR LIVES over the years and psychological subconscious of people living or affected by HIV/AIDS realities and deaths.

I also, in passing my 46 year birthday on February 5, was sent back into tragic memories of a succession of relationship lovers that over 25 years of AIDS, watched physically deteriorate, some choosing suicide, and dealing with hostile families in their burial funerals and cremations. 7 men in all. I openly admit that I can deal with most challenges of life thrown at me, yet HIV/AIDS absolutely still terrifies me. Whether it was occult influences or genetics, I still harbor post traumatic stress syndrome, existing as an Abomination of Nature for my own sense of survival. Their past photos and gifts psychometrically opening haunted dreams of their outcomes in the afterworld Purgatories and Hells (of their design and karmic consequences). As I now am preparing to meet new males in my life from various interactions, I'm realizing the HIV/STD pandemics are going to be a war I will not be able to hide or escape from a second time. Currently, the majority of males in my circle of association are HIV positive or became so since January 2007. I'm faced with making discisions now about personal behavior and what limits I will set with HIV affected men. Becoming re involved in HIV/STD protocols treatment research and activism is one weapon I've been redrawn to (since my days in the early 1990's with ACT-UP L.A.).


MY ENTIRE LIFE IS IN THE EYE OF THE HURRICANE:

Looking and assessing circumstances among blood family and the tiny circle of male Queer friends still alive through events and 25 years of the HIV Pandemic, I'd have to say THE WORST IS AHEAD OF ME and the PRAGMATIC IS THE PRESENT OF ME, the past WAS instinctive self made sacrifices and shrewdness, in particular FOR dumping destructive friends, selfish HIV risking to me lovers and flings. My employment choices were strange given that many companies in the high tech and communications field kept going under during the 1980's and 90's that I decided to go into business for myself leasing dozens of 1-900 charge per minute phonelines and other internet website affiliate programs, like a whale sifting plankton on the open sea for tidbits of profit.

My parents are in their 70's now and health challenges are affecting their senses, my diabetic and blind older sister which lives with me is dealing with ongoing surgeries, yet part of a religious sect that is her second family. I am numb after 10 years in the void of distancing myself from aspects of the Gay male community, still awed at a decade norm generation of men that think disease producing bareback sex is insignificant to the lives it's infecting and deteriorating. A portion of my older relatives are dying off in the 60's, 50's 70's, the males from diet affected prostrate and heart cancer.

I'm the MALE IN THE IVORY TOWER now observing the realities of social and personal changes. My politically and economically connected family offering chances to recreate myself vocationally if I take the risks. All the discisions I've made in the past have brought me here, still alive. Changing my weight and physical diet has been the most practical matter I've made for longivity and libido. The experience of romantically getting involved with a man or even sexually dating is a completely alien concept in practice with me. It will be easier for me to make significant trading money than to take unconditional risks with a large percentage of HIV poz males that I'm meeting online and socially. I'm taking careful steps each day risking very little. Happiness are the small pleasures I make for myself at home or outdoors. THE WORST IS YET TO COME, I HATE AIDS AND ALL IT'S HORROR, and strangely, this time I'm ready for a warzone.

JAY MAL is a Los Angeles, California, USA, based writer and online political activist. He grew up in Los Angeles, has traveled extensively in North America, Mexico, Europe.