COLLECTED WRITINGS OF JAY MAL. MUSINGS, RANTS, DIATRIBES IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA/USA/WORLD.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Monday, November 7, 2011
LANDMINES AHEAD (Biographical Writings)
(Biographical Writings)
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CONTROVERSIAL NEWS ITEMS:
KEEP YOUR JOBS MCDONALDS, I've been there!
MEMORY LANE: NO CLAPS FOR THE CLAP
JAY MAL got the clap at age 17 from picking up a male hustler with great bod and curly hair of the perms craze back in 1978 in West Hollywood, CA famed Gay strip, Santa Monica Blvd. Went to his roommate's apt. And did mutual j/o, then like a lamo, I/Jay Mal wanted to see what it would be like to put the head of his uncircumcised penis into the sphincter of this muscle hustler. Well I went about half and inch, too tight. Worked our tools to climax. Then left. Driving home, crashing asleep. Nary 24 hours later the burning tool phenom and worse as 48 hours beckoned.
The local West Los Angeles health clinic was FREE back then with ample Pres. Jimmy Carter "Venereal Disease" treatment programs in cities and the mass media (like sitcoms GOOD TIMES with character "J.J." getting the clap). I went for the embarrassing exam, the fluid emission cotton swab to sample tube, and a thorough interrogation by the snide, age 50ish balding and eyeglassed doctor with too many gold fillings, his female nurse, a kind middle aged blond lady with a clipboard, checked off answers to a prepared questionaire, and NO, I didn't say I had sex with a man, I lied and said I picked up a lobby prostitute at downtown L.A.'s famed BILTMORE HOTEL! The doctor could read my behavior and mannerisms, plus guilt ridden eyes that I leaned closer to homosexual male persuasian. He gave me a paper dispensing cup full of huge horsepill antibiotics to my trembling teen frame. In leaving, the Doc even retorted "don't go busting no rumps cowboy anytime soon".
The physical burning pain, made worse during urination and the health clinic experience had me never copulating into a man's sphincter ever again. It wouldn't be until 1983 where my first experience as a "bottom" was a forced henious experience that didn't produce any VD amazingly at that time.
The local West Los Angeles health clinic was FREE back then with ample Pres. Jimmy Carter "Venereal Disease" treatment programs in cities and the mass media (like sitcoms GOOD TIMES with character "J.J." getting the clap). I went for the embarrassing exam, the fluid emission cotton swab to sample tube, and a thorough interrogation by the snide, age 50ish balding and eyeglassed doctor with too many gold fillings, his female nurse, a kind middle aged blond lady with a clipboard, checked off answers to a prepared questionaire, and NO, I didn't say I had sex with a man, I lied and said I picked up a lobby prostitute at downtown L.A.'s famed BILTMORE HOTEL! The doctor could read my behavior and mannerisms, plus guilt ridden eyes that I leaned closer to homosexual male persuasian. He gave me a paper dispensing cup full of huge horsepill antibiotics to my trembling teen frame. In leaving, the Doc even retorted "don't go busting no rumps cowboy anytime soon".
The physical burning pain, made worse during urination and the health clinic experience had me never copulating into a man's sphincter ever again. It wouldn't be until 1983 where my first experience as a "bottom" was a forced henious experience that didn't produce any VD amazingly at that time.
1ST TIME ANAL SEX VIOLENTLY RAPED
STRANGE HOW "GAY" MALE RAPE CAN BECOME EROTICIZED EVEN IF THE FIRST TIME MIGHT HAVE BEEN TRAUMATIC. I WAS SHARING MY EXPERIENCE WITH BEING RAPED ONCE, AND HEAR OF MANRAPES FROM OTHER MEN AT GAY BATHHOUSES, GYMS, GAY BACKROOMS, SEX CLUBS, EVEN SEX PARTIES. RAPE BEING WHEN A MAN IS TOLD TO STOP PENETRATING A MOUTH OR RECTUM BY THE BOTTOM AND FORCE THEMSELVES UNTIL ORGASM, OR WITH STRAIGHTS, JUST FORCING THEMSELVES ONTO A WOMAN (I KEEP THINKING ABOUT BASKETBALL STAR KOBE BRYANT AND THE WOMAN THAT SAID HE ANALLY VIOLATED HER EVEN THOUGH SHE WAS A HOTEL WORKER ORIFICED FUCKED SLUT).
JAY MAL, HIS FIRST EXPERIENCE WITH BEING FULLY PENETRATED IN ANAL SEX, LEGS UP POSITION, WAS A RAPE AT AGE 23 IN SILVERLAKE GAY DISTRICT OF LOS ANGELES. I PICKED UP AN OLDER MALE CENTRAL AMERICAN LATINO AT A DISCO THERE, WENT TO HIS APARTMENT, AND IN THAT MURKY AREA OF GETTING IN POSITION AND LETTING A MAN JUST PUT HIS DICK IN SLIGHTLY TO GET A FEEL, WELL, THIS GUY WANTED TO GET OFF, AND PUT A GOB OF LUBE IN MY RECTUM, THEN WITH A QUICK SHOVE, RIPPED ME OPEN, COPULATED AND CAME BAREBACK, THIS WHEN AIDS WAS STILL UNKNOWN AS TO THE OFFICIAL CAUSE . FOR SO MANY YOUNG MEN, MIXED WITH FEELING SEXUAL, LONELY, VULNERABLE, MANRAPE ANALLY OR ORALLY IS A VARIABLE EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE. I REMEMBER FEELING THAT NOW I WAS DOOMED. I RETHOUGHT THE RAPE IN SEXUAL DESIRE, AND ALSO IN DREAD.
I WAS TESTED WITH THE PRIMITIVE HIV TESTS BACK THEN, AND IT WAS NEGATIVE. ODDLY, MY RAPIST WAS HOSPITALIZED SOME MONTHS THAT SAME YEAR WITH A CYST ON HIS LUNGS, EVIDENTLY SIDE EFFECTS OF PAST TUBERCULOSIS AND ALSO LUNG PROBLEMS FROM SMOKING. FROM HIS FRIENDS IN THE GAY BAR SCENE, I WAS TOLD A YEAR LATER THAT THIS MAN, MY RAPIST, HAD LEFT L.A. FOR A MEDICAL FACILITY IN THE FAR SUBURBS FOR A LUNG DISABILITY THAT GOT WORSE. IT WAS MY SUSPICION THAT DARK ENERGIES OR FORCES SETTLED THE CRIME FOR ME. FORTUNATELY, I WAS NEVER RAPED BY A MAN AGAIN, BUT DID SLIP INTO BAREBACK SEX A FEW TIMES. I STOPPED ANAL SEX ACTS IN 1988 AS AIDS WAS RUNNING FULL DEADLY STEAM BY THEN.
JAY MAL, HIS FIRST EXPERIENCE WITH BEING FULLY PENETRATED IN ANAL SEX, LEGS UP POSITION, WAS A RAPE AT AGE 23 IN SILVERLAKE GAY DISTRICT OF LOS ANGELES. I PICKED UP AN OLDER MALE CENTRAL AMERICAN LATINO AT A DISCO THERE, WENT TO HIS APARTMENT, AND IN THAT MURKY AREA OF GETTING IN POSITION AND LETTING A MAN JUST PUT HIS DICK IN SLIGHTLY TO GET A FEEL, WELL, THIS GUY WANTED TO GET OFF, AND PUT A GOB OF LUBE IN MY RECTUM, THEN WITH A QUICK SHOVE, RIPPED ME OPEN, COPULATED AND CAME BAREBACK, THIS WHEN AIDS WAS STILL UNKNOWN AS TO THE OFFICIAL CAUSE . FOR SO MANY YOUNG MEN, MIXED WITH FEELING SEXUAL, LONELY, VULNERABLE, MANRAPE ANALLY OR ORALLY IS A VARIABLE EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE. I REMEMBER FEELING THAT NOW I WAS DOOMED. I RETHOUGHT THE RAPE IN SEXUAL DESIRE, AND ALSO IN DREAD.
I WAS TESTED WITH THE PRIMITIVE HIV TESTS BACK THEN, AND IT WAS NEGATIVE. ODDLY, MY RAPIST WAS HOSPITALIZED SOME MONTHS THAT SAME YEAR WITH A CYST ON HIS LUNGS, EVIDENTLY SIDE EFFECTS OF PAST TUBERCULOSIS AND ALSO LUNG PROBLEMS FROM SMOKING. FROM HIS FRIENDS IN THE GAY BAR SCENE, I WAS TOLD A YEAR LATER THAT THIS MAN, MY RAPIST, HAD LEFT L.A. FOR A MEDICAL FACILITY IN THE FAR SUBURBS FOR A LUNG DISABILITY THAT GOT WORSE. IT WAS MY SUSPICION THAT DARK ENERGIES OR FORCES SETTLED THE CRIME FOR ME. FORTUNATELY, I WAS NEVER RAPED BY A MAN AGAIN, BUT DID SLIP INTO BAREBACK SEX A FEW TIMES. I STOPPED ANAL SEX ACTS IN 1988 AS AIDS WAS RUNNING FULL DEADLY STEAM BY THEN.
Whatever happened on the music or arts scene in Los Angeles, California in terms of deaths or crime events filtered outward in social circles, this being way before the Internet as we know it or even affordable computers for the home. In December 1990 I opened my small Controversial Arts Gallery in Hollywood, right on Hollywood Blvd and Ivar St. The tension with the LAPD, L.A. Sheriff's Dept, News media and the bigoted L.A. Times in terms of police shootings of Black and Latino residents was nonstop by 1991. When Punk Rocker Henry Rollins went through a robbery that had his roommate Joe Cole killed at their home area by Black Venice Crips, the media built it up as more racial antagonism of crime on resident celebrities, that spilled out into the music club scene and arts gallery circuit. 3 months later, the Rodney King videotaped beating would happen and the cop trials with the media agitated the city and the nation. The 1992 L.A. riots would be the culmination of the period, but the arts scene would be fractured to this day.
During the 1992 L.A. Riots, I was about age 31 and working at a large WLA Psychic Hotline company that had those psychic hotline commercials running nationally. That huge staff of psychics and lunatics, the place went into a form or psychological racial cannibalism with the non stop racial politics of the Bush I regime and the then GOP Governor Pete Wilson. This was as the later to be elected Gov Bill Clinton of Arkansas was campaigning for President. Few expected the L.A. riots to happen, but the then Black Mayor Tom Bradley as much of Black L.A. was in a political war with the psycho LAPD chief DARYL GATES who along with L.A. Sheriff Sherman Block, a creepy racist background agitator, the police departments deliberately held back the force from going into the first city hotspots when the verdicts were read, and Mayor Bradley and his staff had a rant press conference of the not guilty judgement of the cops that beat Rodney King.
The main flash point was FLORENCE AND NORMANDIE avenues in South Central, where black youths and looters attacked White drivers, caught on camera for the nation and the GOP and hate radio to whip up more violence. I had gotten off in the afternoon from the psychic hotline and was watching the news, the rest was history. All afternoon rioting, burning, then on Thursday, next day the fires spread citywide. I couldn't go to my art gallery because Hollywood Blvd had many places on fire. The lame Gov Wilson called in the National Guard late the 2nd day and by the 3rd day, troops were in various parts, but mainly West L.A. to protect the wealthier areas. The racial antagonism after the deaths and riots left the social and arts scene in divisions and it never recovered, even to this day. The Republican Party was to blame for the problems as they are for the divisions right now.
During the 1992 L.A. Riots, I was about age 31 and working at a large WLA Psychic Hotline company that had those psychic hotline commercials running nationally. That huge staff of psychics and lunatics, the place went into a form or psychological racial cannibalism with the non stop racial politics of the Bush I regime and the then GOP Governor Pete Wilson. This was as the later to be elected Gov Bill Clinton of Arkansas was campaigning for President. Few expected the L.A. riots to happen, but the then Black Mayor Tom Bradley as much of Black L.A. was in a political war with the psycho LAPD chief DARYL GATES who along with L.A. Sheriff Sherman Block, a creepy racist background agitator, the police departments deliberately held back the force from going into the first city hotspots when the verdicts were read, and Mayor Bradley and his staff had a rant press conference of the not guilty judgement of the cops that beat Rodney King.
The main flash point was FLORENCE AND NORMANDIE avenues in South Central, where black youths and looters attacked White drivers, caught on camera for the nation and the GOP and hate radio to whip up more violence. I had gotten off in the afternoon from the psychic hotline and was watching the news, the rest was history. All afternoon rioting, burning, then on Thursday, next day the fires spread citywide. I couldn't go to my art gallery because Hollywood Blvd had many places on fire. The lame Gov Wilson called in the National Guard late the 2nd day and by the 3rd day, troops were in various parts, but mainly West L.A. to protect the wealthier areas. The racial antagonism after the deaths and riots left the social and arts scene in divisions and it never recovered, even to this day. The Republican Party was to blame for the problems as they are for the divisions right now.
IS MEETING ONLINE MEN IN PERSON WORTH THE AFTERMATH? MY MIXED VIEW
A NEW YEAR, DOZENS OF OPPORTUNITIES FOR MEETING NEW PEOPLE AND PROSPECTS, THEN THE RISKS.......
A YAHOO360/MULTIPLY FRIEND BLOGGER RAISED THE TOPIC OF PEOPLE MET ONLINE, WHETHER IN PERSON, IF THEY WERE NICE OR DIFFERENT. IT MADE ME THINK OF MY ONLY AND DIFFICULT EXPERIENCE WITH INTERNET DATING AS OPPOSED TO "OLD SCHOOL" PRE-INTERNET DAYS OF GAY CLASSIFIED ADS AND 900 PHONE LINE MEETS. SO FAR, I'VE RECIEVED SINCE MY PICS AND WEBCAM EXPERIENCES IN LATE 2006, GLOBAL, NATIONAL USA, AND LOCAL SO. CAL OFFERS FOR MEN DRAWN TO MEET ME, ARRANGE FOR SEX, WIRE MONEY AND RESERVE AIRFARE TO BE WITH YOUR'S TRULY, BASED ON THEIR CONCEPTIONS OF JAY MAL FROM MY BLOG AND ADULT SITES. I SHOULDN'T BASE MY HESITATIONS ON ONE PROBLEM EXPERIENCE, THAT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH SEX OR EVEN AVOIDING HIV INFECTION. PERHAPS SIMILAR SENTIMENTS ARE SHARED BY OTHER GENTLEMEN OF THIS BLOGSITE.......
I HAD ONE DATE from a mixed race Asian/White male in 2003 (I've always dated interracially as good and bad men come in all races), that I met on an HIV positive website that had much of my same occult topic interests, didn't mind my HIV Negative status, and was heavy into OZ and prison type movies/TV shows. We met at an alternative rock music night at a Gay L.A. club. I looked no different in person than from my photos and I warned him beforehand. We had a conversation on the phone the night before and I didn't get any hopes up. I had not dated since 1996. Well we met and he was a tad younger than me in his mid 30s and looked quite the goateed, bear stud in black leather. He scouted me first from a distance, clearly seeing I was the only guy in sunglasses in the place, that turned me off, finally when he followed me into the bathroom, and after I took my piss at the urinal, washing my hands I gingerly introduced myself.
He was aloof most the night.
He had some masculinist attitude about my dancing on the dance floor being so involved with the music. He must have been expecting some prototype "top" from a leather magazine or sparse conversation with hints and foreplay as in porn videos. We had one drink together and one tense dance by the time the club closed. Needless to say he didn't call me again and I didn't probe further.
I've had better dates in the days when it was just personal ads in the Gay magazines than online, with bio and photos. Of course, I haven't done a live webcam or video intro yet, so who knows on my future with online dating.
From a number of the men that I've met on live webcam on yahoo360 and other sites, there not being any voice interaction, but text messaging, even when some men really see me in movement, some of their expectations from my photo stills are altered. Like a Tom Of Finland leather porn cartoon concept that didn't resonate in reality. THE WORST OF ONLINE DATING are men who have met other men on websites then slander, insult, detail aspects of the other man's home, work, body, habits to turn other online men against them. I've had numerous offers for sex and dates online so far, yet the backstabbing gossip really turns me off. Better I feel to find men locally that have nothing to do with my online blogs or Net activity. I've learned to stop ever believing any man that says, "OH I NEVER JUDGE PEOPLE BY THEIR BACKGROUND OR HOW THEY LOOK". Yeah, every backstabber with cosmetic expectations has changed their attitude in person.
A YAHOO360/MULTIPLY FRIEND BLOGGER RAISED THE TOPIC OF PEOPLE MET ONLINE, WHETHER IN PERSON, IF THEY WERE NICE OR DIFFERENT. IT MADE ME THINK OF MY ONLY AND DIFFICULT EXPERIENCE WITH INTERNET DATING AS OPPOSED TO "OLD SCHOOL" PRE-INTERNET DAYS OF GAY CLASSIFIED ADS AND 900 PHONE LINE MEETS. SO FAR, I'VE RECIEVED SINCE MY PICS AND WEBCAM EXPERIENCES IN LATE 2006, GLOBAL, NATIONAL USA, AND LOCAL SO. CAL OFFERS FOR MEN DRAWN TO MEET ME, ARRANGE FOR SEX, WIRE MONEY AND RESERVE AIRFARE TO BE WITH YOUR'S TRULY, BASED ON THEIR CONCEPTIONS OF JAY MAL FROM MY BLOG AND ADULT SITES. I SHOULDN'T BASE MY HESITATIONS ON ONE PROBLEM EXPERIENCE, THAT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH SEX OR EVEN AVOIDING HIV INFECTION. PERHAPS SIMILAR SENTIMENTS ARE SHARED BY OTHER GENTLEMEN OF THIS BLOGSITE.......
I HAD ONE DATE from a mixed race Asian/White male in 2003 (I've always dated interracially as good and bad men come in all races), that I met on an HIV positive website that had much of my same occult topic interests, didn't mind my HIV Negative status, and was heavy into OZ and prison type movies/TV shows. We met at an alternative rock music night at a Gay L.A. club. I looked no different in person than from my photos and I warned him beforehand. We had a conversation on the phone the night before and I didn't get any hopes up. I had not dated since 1996. Well we met and he was a tad younger than me in his mid 30s and looked quite the goateed, bear stud in black leather. He scouted me first from a distance, clearly seeing I was the only guy in sunglasses in the place, that turned me off, finally when he followed me into the bathroom, and after I took my piss at the urinal, washing my hands I gingerly introduced myself.
He was aloof most the night.
He had some masculinist attitude about my dancing on the dance floor being so involved with the music. He must have been expecting some prototype "top" from a leather magazine or sparse conversation with hints and foreplay as in porn videos. We had one drink together and one tense dance by the time the club closed. Needless to say he didn't call me again and I didn't probe further.
I've had better dates in the days when it was just personal ads in the Gay magazines than online, with bio and photos. Of course, I haven't done a live webcam or video intro yet, so who knows on my future with online dating.
From a number of the men that I've met on live webcam on yahoo360 and other sites, there not being any voice interaction, but text messaging, even when some men really see me in movement, some of their expectations from my photo stills are altered. Like a Tom Of Finland leather porn cartoon concept that didn't resonate in reality. THE WORST OF ONLINE DATING are men who have met other men on websites then slander, insult, detail aspects of the other man's home, work, body, habits to turn other online men against them. I've had numerous offers for sex and dates online so far, yet the backstabbing gossip really turns me off. Better I feel to find men locally that have nothing to do with my online blogs or Net activity. I've learned to stop ever believing any man that says, "OH I NEVER JUDGE PEOPLE BY THEIR BACKGROUND OR HOW THEY LOOK". Yeah, every backstabber with cosmetic expectations has changed their attitude in person.
CUT OR UNCUT MANHOOD BLOOM?
2007 LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA, USA
The Dark Ones, as I'd seen them in other horrific and mocking forms arrived to study me. Occultists and religionists having encounters with such elementals can relate to an instinctive feel of being among predatory killers, beings that not having been within our cycle of simian incarnations were ANTEDILUVIAN, originating from "BEFORE THE FLOOD", the reverse of creation. There were a least six of THEM spaced out, their vestments interlaced with metal and they wore black masks. I reached out to touch one, gazing at its glaring orange brown eyes. Solid surface and warm, bone structure.
What language being telepathically communicated had no phonetic base or occultic origin that I'd researched, neither Akashic, Enochian, Sanskrit, other.
I WAS STANDING BEFORE MY BATHROOM MIRROR, EXAMINING HIV/AIDS KAPOSI'S SARCOMA LESIONS THROUGHOUT MY BROWN SKINNED BODY, my reaction to the bloated disfigurement was akin to JOB of the Old Testament anguishing to Yehweh/Jehovah why he had been socially ruined and struck with boils. 3 Queer films had similar kaposis lesion scenes on their protagonists, PHILADELPHIA, A HOME AT THE END OF THE WORLD, MANDRAGORA, and there are others. The hypothetical time lapse vision was a prophecy and a warning. Because 30 years of occult and psychic development had allowed me the process of interpretation, simple psychiatric and psychological analysis was a secular comfort zone. The dreams also coincided with a return on my part to the use of Poppers in sexual self practices. I've heard of objects and lifeforms having psychometric "totems symbols", but bottled amyl nitrates appeared to belong to an engregoric form KAPOSI'S SARCOMA disfigurement apparitions. KS, until the mid 1990's was misdiagnosed as HELPED IN CELLULAR DEVELOPMENT from poppers/amyl that thousands of Gay/Bisexual men were using in sex practices since the 1960's. The studies have proven inconclusive as most metabolisms adapt to moderate amyl use on the tissues. When I related these dreams to my occult friends and circle of Gay associates I was bleakly comforted by admissions that these disfigurement and diseased nightmares have been consistent IN THEIR LIVES over the years and psychological subconscious of people living or affected by HIV/AIDS realities and deaths.
NO SOONER WAS I SOBERING FROM A MOLOTOV COCKTAIL MIX OF PRIDE WEEKEND LIBATIONS and emotional undertows, that I managed to assess what and with whom I had experienced this Holy Of Holies, for thousands of Gay/Lesbian/Transgender participants and activists, STONEWALL 2007/CHRISTOPHER STREET WEST as it's been known in Los Angeles, CA.
My last Pride Fest was in 2003, more out of obligation to pestering friends and a reminder of dozens of Aquariangothic cut checks to Gay Political and AIDS organizations that are tax deductable write-offs all around for those in the know. I was still in a karmically, prescription drug induced, sonombalistic state since 1996, apathetic to anything except Gothic Rock nightclubs at night. This 2007, having defrosted and reanimating to the human condition and religion, I was determined to participate and circulate among old activist aquaitances and living friends of dead friends, ON MY TERMS.
AN ASPECT I WANT TO SHARE, DESPITE AS STRONG AS I PROJECT MYSELF, I'M STILL JUST A FLESH AND BLOOD EMOTIONAL, AND VERY SEXUAL, BUT RESPONSIBLE MAN, YET IN MOURNING. PRIDE FESTS WEIGH WITH ACHING MEMORIES. I AM/WAS a GAY WIDOWER of various lovers that died of AIDS related illness. Choosing my attire on Saturday/Saturn's Day was an easy choice. As optomistic as I was at the renewed levels of Queer activism and Pride Celebrations, the West Hollywood event was for me a funeral commemoration of 3 generations passed from AIDS and Post-Aids life weathering (that's suicide and homophobic murder interpreted). I decided to dress in Leather and boots with a Gothic disposition, very unlike the bright summer colors and shorts majority crowd I encountered, but shock value and resistence, I really was interested in testing the tolerance of the Queer crowd I had championed for decades. ONE CAN SAY I WAS COMING OUT OF SEVERAL CLOSETS AT ONCE: THE GAY CATHOLIC, GAY PAGAN, GAY GOTHIC, GAY OVER 40, GAY LEATHER, BOOT FETISHIST, POPPERS USER, BONDAGE AFFICIANADO, AND CONTACT SEX ABSTINANT FOR 10 FUCKING YEARS!
The layout hadn't changed much from 2003. Admission was $20 as was parking at the Design Center. Reduced rates were made for disabled and elderly. The familiar stages and the Circuit, Country, and Soul/Latin music tents (one would have thought popular demand would have CSW board of directors make a Rock and Roll mix music tent by now). The entire complex bordered the Pacific Design Center buildings. The EROTIC CITY leather and bondage enclosure had been moved into a labyrinth of back walkways behind the Soul Dance Tent. Well represented were Queer political and religious outreach group tents. Christian and Catholic Queer ministry groups I belong to in some capacity were getting a nice flow of visitors and petition signers. Queer marriage legislations nationally were the top signature board issues. The STONEWALL DEMOCRATS booth had keen competition with the LOG CABIN REPUBLICANS, though the logs had more than a share of passing sneers and occaisional catcalls.
My one drawback sentiment, whether it was just my interpretation, was the Los Angeles Police Department and L.A. Sheriff's Department deputies patrolling the event. From front gate to inside the venues, in clusters or in twos, seemed to be ruder and disrespectful of the Queer visitors, breaking out in laughter or open jokes at a cross section of people in leather, or drag, or just same sex couples holding and kissing in public. This "outreach" for festivals across North America, usually is made of paid overtime cops with arrangements through their unions and public relations move with the cities or towns, though evidently , sensitivity training classes haven't helped. With PARIS HILTON'S incarceration exposing horrific conditions of L.A.'s dangerous jails in the news and corruption with police agencies, I could not concieve of being under the life and death control of such rude cops, male and female, or the homophobia within custody. Something to consider with how our sales and property taxes going to pay for cops salaries.
The big mainstream mixer and breakthough with straights was the EMPOWERMENT STAGE park area featuring 80's stars JOAN JETT and TERRY NUNN of BERLIN belting out some hits under the rancid coaxing of MC/Gay Porn Drag Diva CHI CHI LARUE (who all but had the crowd attempt to drag actress SHARON STONE with friends onto the stage, she was successful).
I circulated through the entire complex, assessing the political significance of the new generations and surviving activists of many of the booths and causes. There were much less physically sick men from various stages of AIDS as in past years (when AZT was the poisonous treatment of choice). Less men with oxygen rolling tanks or emaciated living skeletons. Outreach to wheelchair access disabled was a good success.
Because BOTTOMS and Leather boot fetishists are a staple at many Queer confabs, I was given every type of nightclub promoter party cards and gift bags from various men pitching product and magazine goodie bags. At the portable bathrooms and one of the picnic areas, I was cruised and given phone numbers of males that weren't my type by attire. I did better at the bondage demo tent of EROTIC CITY. I hadn't planned on having vanity stroked, but 10 years is a long time not to be eroticized. Like Straight men looking at women's breasts, I can't count how many men focused eyes on my boots and crotch and legs area. Clearly boots and legs in black are a Queer lethal attention fix.
I left the festival by 11:30 pm as too much circuit music can do me in. I walked with my shoulder sling bag across the street to the RAGE disco and found myself in another quirky insult to the concept of COMMUNITY. A line that stretched around the block had that night's music club promoter surveying the crowd like Josef Mengele inspecting human train shipments at Birkenau. This was the tacky version of a "NEW YORK STYLE DOOR" policy. The man was looking at shoes, attire, headwear, attitude. I was surprised when he approached me, he a mediterranean, spikey haired, Gucci attired trendy. He all but inspected the state of my teeth, he said "nice sunglasses, that leather?" pointing to my vest. I said "and boots too" lifting my right foot to expose the Dr Martens knee highs. He said, "whoa, I brake for boots". On Pride night, this epitome beyond the term, singled six people in a line near one hundred for the guard to escort us to the door and gain entry. Superficial and one of many oxymorons, ironies to the discrimination of race, age, class, looks, disabilities, that still plague Post StoneWall 38 years later. I shelled out the $20 entry fee and entered this club's idea of Lebensborn, with the marjority under the age of 30. Go and figure my night. There was always Queer Church services to attone for my transgressions.
My last Pride Fest was in 2003, more out of obligation to pestering friends and a reminder of dozens of Aquariangothic cut checks to Gay Political and AIDS organizations that are tax deductable write-offs all around for those in the know. I was still in a karmically, prescription drug induced, sonombalistic state since 1996, apathetic to anything except Gothic Rock nightclubs at night. This 2007, having defrosted and reanimating to the human condition and religion, I was determined to participate and circulate among old activist aquaitances and living friends of dead friends, ON MY TERMS.
AN ASPECT I WANT TO SHARE, DESPITE AS STRONG AS I PROJECT MYSELF, I'M STILL JUST A FLESH AND BLOOD EMOTIONAL, AND VERY SEXUAL, BUT RESPONSIBLE MAN, YET IN MOURNING. PRIDE FESTS WEIGH WITH ACHING MEMORIES. I AM/WAS a GAY WIDOWER of various lovers that died of AIDS related illness. Choosing my attire on Saturday/Saturn's Day was an easy choice. As optomistic as I was at the renewed levels of Queer activism and Pride Celebrations, the West Hollywood event was for me a funeral commemoration of 3 generations passed from AIDS and Post-Aids life weathering (that's suicide and homophobic murder interpreted). I decided to dress in Leather and boots with a Gothic disposition, very unlike the bright summer colors and shorts majority crowd I encountered, but shock value and resistence, I really was interested in testing the tolerance of the Queer crowd I had championed for decades. ONE CAN SAY I WAS COMING OUT OF SEVERAL CLOSETS AT ONCE: THE GAY CATHOLIC, GAY PAGAN, GAY GOTHIC, GAY OVER 40, GAY LEATHER, BOOT FETISHIST, POPPERS USER, BONDAGE AFFICIANADO, AND CONTACT SEX ABSTINANT FOR 10 FUCKING YEARS!
The layout hadn't changed much from 2003. Admission was $20 as was parking at the Design Center. Reduced rates were made for disabled and elderly. The familiar stages and the Circuit, Country, and Soul/Latin music tents (one would have thought popular demand would have CSW board of directors make a Rock and Roll mix music tent by now). The entire complex bordered the Pacific Design Center buildings. The EROTIC CITY leather and bondage enclosure had been moved into a labyrinth of back walkways behind the Soul Dance Tent. Well represented were Queer political and religious outreach group tents. Christian and Catholic Queer ministry groups I belong to in some capacity were getting a nice flow of visitors and petition signers. Queer marriage legislations nationally were the top signature board issues. The STONEWALL DEMOCRATS booth had keen competition with the LOG CABIN REPUBLICANS, though the logs had more than a share of passing sneers and occaisional catcalls.
My one drawback sentiment, whether it was just my interpretation, was the Los Angeles Police Department and L.A. Sheriff's Department deputies patrolling the event. From front gate to inside the venues, in clusters or in twos, seemed to be ruder and disrespectful of the Queer visitors, breaking out in laughter or open jokes at a cross section of people in leather, or drag, or just same sex couples holding and kissing in public. This "outreach" for festivals across North America, usually is made of paid overtime cops with arrangements through their unions and public relations move with the cities or towns, though evidently , sensitivity training classes haven't helped. With PARIS HILTON'S incarceration exposing horrific conditions of L.A.'s dangerous jails in the news and corruption with police agencies, I could not concieve of being under the life and death control of such rude cops, male and female, or the homophobia within custody. Something to consider with how our sales and property taxes going to pay for cops salaries.
The big mainstream mixer and breakthough with straights was the EMPOWERMENT STAGE park area featuring 80's stars JOAN JETT and TERRY NUNN of BERLIN belting out some hits under the rancid coaxing of MC/Gay Porn Drag Diva CHI CHI LARUE (who all but had the crowd attempt to drag actress SHARON STONE with friends onto the stage, she was successful).
I circulated through the entire complex, assessing the political significance of the new generations and surviving activists of many of the booths and causes. There were much less physically sick men from various stages of AIDS as in past years (when AZT was the poisonous treatment of choice). Less men with oxygen rolling tanks or emaciated living skeletons. Outreach to wheelchair access disabled was a good success.
Because BOTTOMS and Leather boot fetishists are a staple at many Queer confabs, I was given every type of nightclub promoter party cards and gift bags from various men pitching product and magazine goodie bags. At the portable bathrooms and one of the picnic areas, I was cruised and given phone numbers of males that weren't my type by attire. I did better at the bondage demo tent of EROTIC CITY. I hadn't planned on having vanity stroked, but 10 years is a long time not to be eroticized. Like Straight men looking at women's breasts, I can't count how many men focused eyes on my boots and crotch and legs area. Clearly boots and legs in black are a Queer lethal attention fix.
I left the festival by 11:30 pm as too much circuit music can do me in. I walked with my shoulder sling bag across the street to the RAGE disco and found myself in another quirky insult to the concept of COMMUNITY. A line that stretched around the block had that night's music club promoter surveying the crowd like Josef Mengele inspecting human train shipments at Birkenau. This was the tacky version of a "NEW YORK STYLE DOOR" policy. The man was looking at shoes, attire, headwear, attitude. I was surprised when he approached me, he a mediterranean, spikey haired, Gucci attired trendy. He all but inspected the state of my teeth, he said "nice sunglasses, that leather?" pointing to my vest. I said "and boots too" lifting my right foot to expose the Dr Martens knee highs. He said, "whoa, I brake for boots". On Pride night, this epitome beyond the term, singled six people in a line near one hundred for the guard to escort us to the door and gain entry. Superficial and one of many oxymorons, ironies to the discrimination of race, age, class, looks, disabilities, that still plague Post StoneWall 38 years later. I shelled out the $20 entry fee and entered this club's idea of Lebensborn, with the marjority under the age of 30. Go and figure my night. There was always Queer Church services to attone for my transgressions.
MEMORY LANE: "HARDFIND: JESUS 2ND COMING VS BUTTPLUGS OVER 7 INCHES IN AN ELECTION YEAR!"
AMERICA 2008
TWIST OF MEDICAL PROJECTIONS I BELIEVED, AT MY SAID AGE, I WAS TOLD IN YEARS PAST HOW MEN ARE FINALLY OR NEAR IMPOTENT BY THIS AGE. I'M IN EXCELLENT BODY HEALTH AND MY INNER PERVERTED LUST FOR SUCH A COMPACT GUY CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT FUCKING MAN ASS AND BEING ASSFUCKED MYSELF EVERY HOUR OF MY 16 HOUR DAY. SO THIS LITTLE INSIGHT ON THE WING........
NOW TO THE NEWS THAT HOMO MATTERS (SORRY BARACK OBAMA, BUT I NEED MY HOMO TIME FOR PERSONAL ANAL ASSFUCK WORSHIP ADDICTION DEVIATIONS THAT WE MANSEX LOVERS PERUSE OVER), BARAK OBAMA DID LOSE THE NEW HAMPSHIRE PRIMARY TO SENATOR HILLARY CLINTON, SO IT'S UPHILL NOW TILL FEB 5 SHOWDOWN NATIONALLY.
HAS ANYONE BUYING "BUTTPLUGS" WHETHER IN ADULT STORES OR ON THE INTERNET FROM VARIOUS SUPPLIERS NOTICED THAT IT'S NEAR IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND RUBBER BUTTPLUGS BEYOND 7 INCHES LONG? THOUGH OF THICKNESS THERE ARE MANY. IN LOS ANGELES, CA, BECAUSE OF OUR BASE SEX INDUSTRY, WE HAVE SCORES OF ADULT STRAIGHT AND GAY SEX SUPPLY STORES. I SEARCHED THE NEAR AND AFAR OF STORES AND SIMPLY COULDN'T FIND BUTTPLUGS BEYOND 7 INCHES LONG. FOR SERIOUS MASTURBATORS LIKE ME, THAT LIKE CONVENIENCE WITH MY BONDAGE PORN DVDs, AUDIO HEADSETS, POPPERS AND BOOTS ATTIRE, THIS IS AS IMPORTANT AS POLITICS ON THE BELTWAY!
PERHAPS IT'S SOME SEX INDUSTRY MEDICAL LEGAL SUPPLY CODE OF MERCHANDISING FOR PREVENTION OF RECTAL INJURIES. I HAD TO BUY LONG DILDOES, THE BIGGEST AT 10 INCHES (SOME OF YOU FISTERS AND GIRTH STUDS WILL SAY I'M STILL IN SEX KINDERGARTEN AT 10 INCHES), WELL, THE "COLT" PORN LABEL HAD SOME PLUGS, THOUGH THE BASE WASN'T THIN ENOUGH AT THE BASE TO STAY LODGED IN MY SPHINCTER WHILE I PUMPED AWAY. A FLASH OF LIGHTED BULBS IN DARK ROOMS HIT ME, MONTHS AFTER I BOUGHT VARIOUS RUBBER DILDOES SIZED FROM 8 TO 10 INCHES. I GOT OUT A HUNTING SHARP KNIFE AND BEGAN WHITTLING THE BASE, LIKE THE HOURGLASS V, THEN LUBED AND TESTED THESE CRUDE NEW BUTTPLUGS TO SEE IF THEY WORKED, YES! THEY STAYED IN MY RECTUM WHILE I DID MY DOGGY STYLE PUMP LOINS ACTION ON PILED BLANKETS (HAVING A DICK FORESKIN MAKES FOR HIGHLY SENSITIVE COPULATION WITHOUT LUBE THAT MANY CIRCUMSIZED MEN NEED FOR HANDJOBS).
I HAVE ABOUT $200 WORTH IN DILDOES THAT NOW ARE CONVENIENT BUTTPLUGS (AND I OWE IT TO SOME MOOD SWING BLUES AFTER BARACK OBAMA LOST THE N.H. PRIMARY, BUT LOOK WHAT IT INSPIRED).
MY TWIN BROTHER, ALSO WHOM I REQUEST FOR A MONETARY LOAN IN A COUPLE OF HUNDRED BUCKS, GOT BACK TO ME IN THE AFTERNOON, AND TRANSFERRED THE SAID GREENBACKS INTO MY CHECKING ACCOUNT. ADD A LATE AFTERNOON POSTAL SERVICE DELIVERY OF 2 "PLAIN BROWN BOTTLE" POPPERS BRAND IN A MANILA ENVELOPE FROM AN ONLINE SEX SUPPLY STORE THAT I THOUGHT STOPPED MY 7 MONTH HOME POPPERS DELIVERY. ON MY LIMITED BUDGET RIGHT NOW THAT MY LEASED 900 PHONE LINE BUSINESS HAS HAD AFTER THE HOLIDAYS, THESE SEX BENEFIT AND LOAN BREAKTHROUGHS SHOWS LIFE'S LITTLE MALADIES CAN TURN FOR THE BETTER.
THE MORAL OF THIS STORY. BE SEXUALLY CREATIVE WITH ONE'S RESOURCES WHEN ONE'S MEANS ARE LIMITED. THAT AND POLITICS MAKES FOR STRANGE INSPIRATIONS AND BRAINSTORMS!
TWIST OF MEDICAL PROJECTIONS I BELIEVED, AT MY SAID AGE, I WAS TOLD IN YEARS PAST HOW MEN ARE FINALLY OR NEAR IMPOTENT BY THIS AGE. I'M IN EXCELLENT BODY HEALTH AND MY INNER PERVERTED LUST FOR SUCH A COMPACT GUY CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT FUCKING MAN ASS AND BEING ASSFUCKED MYSELF EVERY HOUR OF MY 16 HOUR DAY. SO THIS LITTLE INSIGHT ON THE WING........
NOW TO THE NEWS THAT HOMO MATTERS (SORRY BARACK OBAMA, BUT I NEED MY HOMO TIME FOR PERSONAL ANAL ASSFUCK WORSHIP ADDICTION DEVIATIONS THAT WE MANSEX LOVERS PERUSE OVER), BARAK OBAMA DID LOSE THE NEW HAMPSHIRE PRIMARY TO SENATOR HILLARY CLINTON, SO IT'S UPHILL NOW TILL FEB 5 SHOWDOWN NATIONALLY.
HAS ANYONE BUYING "BUTTPLUGS" WHETHER IN ADULT STORES OR ON THE INTERNET FROM VARIOUS SUPPLIERS NOTICED THAT IT'S NEAR IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND RUBBER BUTTPLUGS BEYOND 7 INCHES LONG? THOUGH OF THICKNESS THERE ARE MANY. IN LOS ANGELES, CA, BECAUSE OF OUR BASE SEX INDUSTRY, WE HAVE SCORES OF ADULT STRAIGHT AND GAY SEX SUPPLY STORES. I SEARCHED THE NEAR AND AFAR OF STORES AND SIMPLY COULDN'T FIND BUTTPLUGS BEYOND 7 INCHES LONG. FOR SERIOUS MASTURBATORS LIKE ME, THAT LIKE CONVENIENCE WITH MY BONDAGE PORN DVDs, AUDIO HEADSETS, POPPERS AND BOOTS ATTIRE, THIS IS AS IMPORTANT AS POLITICS ON THE BELTWAY!
PERHAPS IT'S SOME SEX INDUSTRY MEDICAL LEGAL SUPPLY CODE OF MERCHANDISING FOR PREVENTION OF RECTAL INJURIES. I HAD TO BUY LONG DILDOES, THE BIGGEST AT 10 INCHES (SOME OF YOU FISTERS AND GIRTH STUDS WILL SAY I'M STILL IN SEX KINDERGARTEN AT 10 INCHES), WELL, THE "COLT" PORN LABEL HAD SOME PLUGS, THOUGH THE BASE WASN'T THIN ENOUGH AT THE BASE TO STAY LODGED IN MY SPHINCTER WHILE I PUMPED AWAY. A FLASH OF LIGHTED BULBS IN DARK ROOMS HIT ME, MONTHS AFTER I BOUGHT VARIOUS RUBBER DILDOES SIZED FROM 8 TO 10 INCHES. I GOT OUT A HUNTING SHARP KNIFE AND BEGAN WHITTLING THE BASE, LIKE THE HOURGLASS V, THEN LUBED AND TESTED THESE CRUDE NEW BUTTPLUGS TO SEE IF THEY WORKED, YES! THEY STAYED IN MY RECTUM WHILE I DID MY DOGGY STYLE PUMP LOINS ACTION ON PILED BLANKETS (HAVING A DICK FORESKIN MAKES FOR HIGHLY SENSITIVE COPULATION WITHOUT LUBE THAT MANY CIRCUMSIZED MEN NEED FOR HANDJOBS).
I HAVE ABOUT $200 WORTH IN DILDOES THAT NOW ARE CONVENIENT BUTTPLUGS (AND I OWE IT TO SOME MOOD SWING BLUES AFTER BARACK OBAMA LOST THE N.H. PRIMARY, BUT LOOK WHAT IT INSPIRED).
MY TWIN BROTHER, ALSO WHOM I REQUEST FOR A MONETARY LOAN IN A COUPLE OF HUNDRED BUCKS, GOT BACK TO ME IN THE AFTERNOON, AND TRANSFERRED THE SAID GREENBACKS INTO MY CHECKING ACCOUNT. ADD A LATE AFTERNOON POSTAL SERVICE DELIVERY OF 2 "PLAIN BROWN BOTTLE" POPPERS BRAND IN A MANILA ENVELOPE FROM AN ONLINE SEX SUPPLY STORE THAT I THOUGHT STOPPED MY 7 MONTH HOME POPPERS DELIVERY. ON MY LIMITED BUDGET RIGHT NOW THAT MY LEASED 900 PHONE LINE BUSINESS HAS HAD AFTER THE HOLIDAYS, THESE SEX BENEFIT AND LOAN BREAKTHROUGHS SHOWS LIFE'S LITTLE MALADIES CAN TURN FOR THE BETTER.
THE MORAL OF THIS STORY. BE SEXUALLY CREATIVE WITH ONE'S RESOURCES WHEN ONE'S MEANS ARE LIMITED. THAT AND POLITICS MAKES FOR STRANGE INSPIRATIONS AND BRAINSTORMS!
RELATIVES WHO DIE OF AIDS
In late 2009, my family discovered that an estranged relative, one of my uncles of my father's 4 brother's died horribly of an AIDS related brain and organs collapse.
His businesses were already given to one of his daughters and ultimately bequeathed to her like his cash life policy. As executor she had to notify next of kin. My elderly mother hated the man, a closeted Homosexual that had numerous cover relationships with women and many children, but had money enough to hire young male drivers and property managers that were also his sex for pay lovers. The AIDS stigma came second to hatred of the man's sabatoge of marriages of his brothers. It was the first known AIDS death within both sides of my family relatives that we're aware of. My extended family also is made up of many conservative to rigid Roman Catholics, Protestant Christians, Mormons, Jehovah's Witnesses, most married and with children, though over the last 10 years some of the veiled homophobia directed at me has leveled off, largely because I didn't die of AIDS, being an out homosexual (came out in 1989), and that I helped various relatives during the economic crisis of the last 3 years.
The death of "Uncle Robert" in his late 60's, the first of my father's 5 siblings to die period, here from AIDS has been met with a mixture of shunning for his personal life of antagonism first with AIDS being more a factor of unprotected sex with hired strangers, yet the topic, in conversation is usually a double entendre, meaning the moral warnings about sexually are directed at me, even though I haven't had contact sex with men (or women), in 14 years now.
His businesses were already given to one of his daughters and ultimately bequeathed to her like his cash life policy. As executor she had to notify next of kin. My elderly mother hated the man, a closeted Homosexual that had numerous cover relationships with women and many children, but had money enough to hire young male drivers and property managers that were also his sex for pay lovers. The AIDS stigma came second to hatred of the man's sabatoge of marriages of his brothers. It was the first known AIDS death within both sides of my family relatives that we're aware of. My extended family also is made up of many conservative to rigid Roman Catholics, Protestant Christians, Mormons, Jehovah's Witnesses, most married and with children, though over the last 10 years some of the veiled homophobia directed at me has leveled off, largely because I didn't die of AIDS, being an out homosexual (came out in 1989), and that I helped various relatives during the economic crisis of the last 3 years.
The death of "Uncle Robert" in his late 60's, the first of my father's 5 siblings to die period, here from AIDS has been met with a mixture of shunning for his personal life of antagonism first with AIDS being more a factor of unprotected sex with hired strangers, yet the topic, in conversation is usually a double entendre, meaning the moral warnings about sexually are directed at me, even though I haven't had contact sex with men (or women), in 14 years now.
The internet and a mixed social life of politics and contact with various Gay HIV positive aquaitances keeps Jay Mal out of a feeling of total isolation, but I prefer solititude to much of the anguished social time with Gay males with HIV. In a huge city like Los Angeles, CA, Southern California, really, the social scene for Gays has become regularized for bareback non condomed sex with heavy drugs, like meth or crack as a norm. The amount of Gay males I know who also want sex with underage minors, a trend in the counterculture, also has me keeping certain persons at arms length now. Not being able to drive a car because of Retinitis related eyesight issues, I'm not able to be as mobile as I'd like. I also have to change addresses or living arrangements in keeping with the economic situation. The mortgage meltdown has had even buildings that were rental units shut down in foreclosures. At this rate, keeping one's stress factors to prevent more stress related health problems is key. Isolation is certain respects is not so henious.
TURNING AGE 50: APOCALYPTIC BIRTHDAY
JAY MAL TURNED AGE 50 FEB 5 (Born 1961) SAT-Don't feel a day over age 18, though for the Gay social and sex culture age 50 is still inconceivable to have lived that long (after 29 years of the AIDS epidemic mass killing Gay/Sex enjoying men and boys and females). My elderly biological father is age 79, so me and my non identical twin brother, if genetics and healthcare, no mass apocalypse or nuclear wars happen, stand a snowballs chance in Hell of living another 29 years past age 50. That would make us eligible to be around 2040 when ecological devastation, food wars, prison death factories, UFO/E.T. repression overloads, and nation states reconceived, are all potential scenarios, and it's anyones guess if the post Baby boomers and Gen Xers will have any Social Security or Medicare to depend on after the domestic terror wars the Republican Party and Tea Party insurrections gut Federal social programs in America.
REAL BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS
I got up at 7 pm and with the weather change, it's still daylight. Then I have to prepare for the day, and do exercise, wash and douche, then do my set up for a morning wood WOOD WORKOUT or humping the folded and piled blankets with huge plug in my rear and headphones on head, while I watch the various mansex deep pumping video clips I download till I reach the cum moneyshot. Sex and body workout. Every gym should have them, well I guess bathhouses with gyms catering to Gay and Bi males have something close to it, but what freedom when you have the combination with morning wood. Then later that night, more jacking sessions with mansex videos. If I get 8 hours of sleep, I have the stamina to get 3 sex sessions in, sometimes 4 if I go with the "one for road" jacking before bed, but the key is to break in a new (to me), mansex video clip, like a one night stand or fling playing on the laptop with audio headphones in ears. I could imagine the amount of stress release if such simulated sex allowances were permitted to sexually functioning males in prisons, asylums, jails, detention centers, branches of the military, police and fire departments like hospitals and paramedic units. All these enviroments with sexually satisfied male members are the staple of mansex porn fantasy films. At the age of 50, JAY MAL looks at the sessions as cardiovascular necessities like prostrate and urinary tract exercising techniques. The machinery running at its aging capability.
WEBCAMERAMA PARANOIA
The temptation of webcamming live is mixed. A stirring combination with risks of unknown scenarios, webcamming for local sex male contacts and having your own transportation to drive or motor to that destination for the real thing. Much different in Jay Mal's pre internet days, when one had to go by 900 sex date phone message hotlines and meet males that often were nothing like their descriptions. Drawback online, is bad sex encounters and being trashed online, or flaming or dissed, it's banned on sites, but males do it anyway. I webcammed sex with so many men internationally and gave shows on one Gay cam site of my jacking and riding dildos. I only had one live date meet up in 2003 and I wrote about that being a problem thing.
MAY/DECEMBER GAY/BI MALE DATING/SEX AFTER AGE 50 (WITH MALES UNDER 35)
DATING OR HAVING SEX WITH SOMEONE UNDER AGE 35. JAY MAL after age 50.
Some of my views on this are generational, and to a lesser extent internalized ageism, in the Gay/Bi counterculture what the Gay media has stigmatized about males aging over age 45, the other is after 29 years of the AIDS epidemic killing thousands of middle and older aged men, age 18 and even middle aged Gay/Bi males are in a drifting social condition about how to relate to each other or mentor relationships. .
A number of Gay/Bi males my age, to deal with sexual issues of aging, might do it through roles played with younger males, especially those under age 30, and sexually, if one over age 45 isn't a top, then an older bottom.
The trade off in sex, is the younger males will have 10 times the sexual during for fucking if one is a bottom, but a father son kind of fetish if the younger is the bottom or a submissive. I haven't had contact sex in 14 years from the antidepressant pill downers and then from paranoia about HIV and AIDS which is now high among males under age 25 Globally. It turns me on and I realize a younger man or boy could be more sexually and psychologically experienced than me. I continue to meet young men with adult responsibilities where they seem like my father psychologically and me the son. The contrast in body type and muscle mass, skin texture, if hair is graying, facial beauty of the young, these are some factors that can be shocking and stimulating for someone in my situation. If the males were to meet me only for sex under certain conditions, then I would not have to expect a further relationship, it is more difficult now that I don't drive a car to places where a fling might meet. My financial problems also don't afford a way to date younger males who usually want a social life or more friends in their circle too.
Even when I was in my age 20s, other friends that wanted me among their coterie of friends met with problems as I never seemed young acting or had the facial features of handsome youth. My hairy body type and bear build also didn't win popularity either. Most Gay men that have stayed interested in me is because of my intellect and talents or the whole occult beliefs, as few men that know me can't figure out while I'm still alive when most friends of my generation are dead. All the men I know right now are under age 37. The males over age 37 I only know online. I think I like best the younger males that ask questions about their existence and about sexuality best, particularly those scared of the sex circuit or want to hear from an older adult beyond just bareback sex culture. With a younger man having sex with me, it also will come down to if they can adapt to my naked body or face or masked face! It's like starting all over again. Then again, there actually are young men under age 30 that like older men with older weathered bodies and muscles or gray hair, the father and grandfather fetish thing.
The danger issues about meeting younger people online, my answer with any male would be to do a GOOGLE search engine search on a man's online ID names or ISP background to see what comes up. That was offered after the 2009 NYC killing of newsman George Weber who was knifed to death by the booze and coked crazed horny teenager John Katehis, who he seduced with money on Craig's List.
Some of my views on this are generational, and to a lesser extent internalized ageism, in the Gay/Bi counterculture what the Gay media has stigmatized about males aging over age 45, the other is after 29 years of the AIDS epidemic killing thousands of middle and older aged men, age 18 and even middle aged Gay/Bi males are in a drifting social condition about how to relate to each other or mentor relationships. .
A number of Gay/Bi males my age, to deal with sexual issues of aging, might do it through roles played with younger males, especially those under age 30, and sexually, if one over age 45 isn't a top, then an older bottom.
The trade off in sex, is the younger males will have 10 times the sexual during for fucking if one is a bottom, but a father son kind of fetish if the younger is the bottom or a submissive. I haven't had contact sex in 14 years from the antidepressant pill downers and then from paranoia about HIV and AIDS which is now high among males under age 25 Globally. It turns me on and I realize a younger man or boy could be more sexually and psychologically experienced than me. I continue to meet young men with adult responsibilities where they seem like my father psychologically and me the son. The contrast in body type and muscle mass, skin texture, if hair is graying, facial beauty of the young, these are some factors that can be shocking and stimulating for someone in my situation. If the males were to meet me only for sex under certain conditions, then I would not have to expect a further relationship, it is more difficult now that I don't drive a car to places where a fling might meet. My financial problems also don't afford a way to date younger males who usually want a social life or more friends in their circle too.
Even when I was in my age 20s, other friends that wanted me among their coterie of friends met with problems as I never seemed young acting or had the facial features of handsome youth. My hairy body type and bear build also didn't win popularity either. Most Gay men that have stayed interested in me is because of my intellect and talents or the whole occult beliefs, as few men that know me can't figure out while I'm still alive when most friends of my generation are dead. All the men I know right now are under age 37. The males over age 37 I only know online. I think I like best the younger males that ask questions about their existence and about sexuality best, particularly those scared of the sex circuit or want to hear from an older adult beyond just bareback sex culture. With a younger man having sex with me, it also will come down to if they can adapt to my naked body or face or masked face! It's like starting all over again. Then again, there actually are young men under age 30 that like older men with older weathered bodies and muscles or gray hair, the father and grandfather fetish thing.
The danger issues about meeting younger people online, my answer with any male would be to do a GOOGLE search engine search on a man's online ID names or ISP background to see what comes up. That was offered after the 2009 NYC killing of newsman George Weber who was knifed to death by the booze and coked crazed horny teenager John Katehis, who he seduced with money on Craig's List.
Phenom of HIV Barebackers few symptoms, natural HIV cure regimens
READING BLOG ENTRIES ON VARIOUS BAREBACK SEX NETWORKS FROM MEN THAT ARE REPEATEDLY INFECTED WITH NEW STRAINS OF HIV/STDs, and in much cases have mild symptoms or never develop full blown AIDS or get debilitated from STDs that are drug resistent, or as some scientists believe, certain human population clusters begin to develop viral and bacterial immunity to pathogens or epidemics over time. It remains a phenomena of SEXUALLY BAREBACKING OR HAVE YOUR ACTIVE CONTACT SEX LIFE males (EVEN with condoms), who are also taking Natural, Non Pharmaceutical Drug, remedies or herbal supplements to treat your symptoms of HIV related ailments or sickness. Marijuana naturally comes into some treatments of HIV or immune disorders.
A GAY ROMANTIC PARTNER VS. A GAY SEXUAL LOVER'S ARRANGEMENT
I had six emotional and sexual relationships with "closet case" straight men in my life before 1996, some had been married to women and some had children, but all were living apart from their past family lives. I never had a relationship with a Gay inclined man. I accepted that men from the sex drive will cheat, so let it happen, whatever time or love I got I took it for what it was. The cruising sex lives of all my boyfriends led to HIV infection and full blown AIDS. My last past lover died in 2003. You might say the AIDS epidemic cut into my ability to really find out what a longer term relationship was.
In 1988, I had a sexual lovers arrangement with a man in his late 30s, a bearish White male, balding and stocky that was the best "honest relationship" I ever had, it lasted 3 months, but was worth enjoying a real physical involvement with close feelings, but no real pressure to commit. "NORMAL" or Gays not being able to be "NORMAL" and commit is debateable. The institutions that straight boys, girls, men, women have like pre teen dating, high school sweethearts, college romances, legal rights to marriage, romances in the military, in careers, alot of that is not yet realized to millions of Gay males or having committed long term same sex couples as role models early on in life. Maybe the paradigm of Gay commitment will change if and ever Gay marriage legalized in most countries and Gays being able to be open in the Military will show that romance can exist in all aspects of "normal" life attributed as civilization and generational institutions. Also, when AIDS and HIV is more controllable and curable, more men and boys will think that life is longer and not so short term or self destructive to get as much free sex, drugs, and money out of other males which is what a lot of the "Bareback" lifestyle mainstreamed for the last 15 years keeps telling Gay males.
In 1988, I had a sexual lovers arrangement with a man in his late 30s, a bearish White male, balding and stocky that was the best "honest relationship" I ever had, it lasted 3 months, but was worth enjoying a real physical involvement with close feelings, but no real pressure to commit. "NORMAL" or Gays not being able to be "NORMAL" and commit is debateable. The institutions that straight boys, girls, men, women have like pre teen dating, high school sweethearts, college romances, legal rights to marriage, romances in the military, in careers, alot of that is not yet realized to millions of Gay males or having committed long term same sex couples as role models early on in life. Maybe the paradigm of Gay commitment will change if and ever Gay marriage legalized in most countries and Gays being able to be open in the Military will show that romance can exist in all aspects of "normal" life attributed as civilization and generational institutions. Also, when AIDS and HIV is more controllable and curable, more men and boys will think that life is longer and not so short term or self destructive to get as much free sex, drugs, and money out of other males which is what a lot of the "Bareback" lifestyle mainstreamed for the last 15 years keeps telling Gay males.
GIANT PORCUPINE AND FERAL CHILDREN OUTSIDE MY HOUSE
TOTEM ANIMALS VISITING HUMAN DREAMS IN THESE ENDTIMES WITH ANIMAL EXTINCTIONS LOOMING WORLDWIDE. ESOTERIC PHENOMENA
Today, in the stifling Autumn heat, while asleep, I dreamt of an unlikely animal as well.
For people in Ghana and Ivory Coast a porcupine signifies the invincible warrior but is also associated with chief's power. Similarly, it also increases a fighting strength for Ashanti warriors.
REVOLVING CRAVINGS: Off/On The Wagon With A Hammer
Saturday afternoon, April 9, 2011
JAY MAL was over at his father's house where he rents out a room for his belongings and some furniture and as a crash pad in West L.A., CA. Went to the back bedroom adjoining bathroom, went to mirror to use electric shears to shave my head, then take a shower. Had the bath door open, thinking my father was still out on errands. The electric shears humming away as I got every spot, my body just awakened from sleep and tight before my later waking and working "morning wood" session. Suddenly I hear a voice in back of me, "HEY MAN! WHAT'S GOING ON?!" I turn around and see my elderly 79 year old robust father with a grocery bag and turn beet red, "HEY MAN! CLOSE THE DOOR! OH MY GODDDD." He slammed the kitchen panelled doors that connect to the hallway leading to the back bathroom, just in time, as my elderly mother was trudging up the front steps getting out of father's van.
Dear Old Dad, must have spent a minute staring in major disbelief and aghast at one of his son's nakedness. My burly, hairy, muscle toned honey brown skinned backside and buttocks as I enjoyed a head shave with shears before he yelled out. I'm under the suspicion he's seen me naked before at other places, as I sleep naked and in warmer weather, he may have peered into bedroom or other place windows as he likes to do home repairs or gardening and is always curious of sneaking peeks into windows. This time, he saw my FULL MONTY and it made me wonder what ran through his alleged Bisexual closeted elderly head. The scenario immediately made me think of the reverse situation in the Biblical story in GENESIS of the Patriarch NOAH, that when Noah got drunk from his plentiful wine and fell asleep, was seen by his son Ham, but it was Ham's son Canaan got the curse from NOAH for seeing the nakedness and his descendents (never mind NOAH's two other brothers that did a backward Moonwalk with garments to cover NOAH, heads turned away), a get revenge strike that also became associated with the darker skinned descendents of Canaan that would become a loophole for justifying not only servitude, but slavery and exploitation of Africans and all Non White people in Christian era times.
Jay Mal was the one happened upon by the father, but there is no Bible story of children cursing their parents for being seen naked. Still, the Noah story would be an ample allegory to condemn nudity, unexpected chanced upon family nudity as evil and degenerate for centuries of Judaic and Christian, in variations, later Islam as well.
I consoled myself as I dressed hastily, ignoring the shower, with at least my body was in sexual and toned shape, particularly the buttocks and legs in comparison to my father at age 50, the age I am now! Immediately I had to brainstorm counter remarks and even jokes if it was brought up again. When my elderly 86 year old mother came in back with a bagged lunch from a fish fry restaurant, she didn't even mention the nudity, a rarity given my father tells her every snide little gossip and grudge about his family nonstop. I had the standby "yeah well, I don't have anything on me he doesn't have on him" meaning the build and "Johnson", but my father is not so hairy, nor is his skin as brown as mine. In the aftermath, all types of imaginings will commence, but I've the rationale that if I must be sighted nude, it's why I maintain a bodybuilding regimen so I've got some form and muscle mass. If it brings disgust from father, then good, he'll never know the sexual and personal enjoyment my hairy body gives me or my circle of adult network fans in my explicit images!
BIBLICAL NOAH CURSES HIS RELATIVE CANAAN AND SON HAM FOR BEING FOUND DRUNK AND NAKED (Can Someone Explain Lack of Privacy Responsibility and Alcohol Moderation in this Ancient Patriarch!?)
Jay Mal was the one happened upon by the father, but there is no Bible story of children cursing their parents for being seen naked. Still, the Noah story would be an ample allegory to condemn nudity, unexpected chanced upon family nudity as evil and degenerate for centuries of Judaic and Christian, in variations, later Islam as well.
I consoled myself as I dressed hastily, ignoring the shower, with at least my body was in sexual and toned shape, particularly the buttocks and legs in comparison to my father at age 50, the age I am now! Immediately I had to brainstorm counter remarks and even jokes if it was brought up again. When my elderly 86 year old mother came in back with a bagged lunch from a fish fry restaurant, she didn't even mention the nudity, a rarity given my father tells her every snide little gossip and grudge about his family nonstop. I had the standby "yeah well, I don't have anything on me he doesn't have on him" meaning the build and "Johnson", but my father is not so hairy, nor is his skin as brown as mine. In the aftermath, all types of imaginings will commence, but I've the rationale that if I must be sighted nude, it's why I maintain a bodybuilding regimen so I've got some form and muscle mass. If it brings disgust from father, then good, he'll never know the sexual and personal enjoyment my hairy body gives me or my circle of adult network fans in my explicit images!
BIBLICAL NOAH CURSES HIS RELATIVE CANAAN AND SON HAM FOR BEING FOUND DRUNK AND NAKED (Can Someone Explain Lack of Privacy Responsibility and Alcohol Moderation in this Ancient Patriarch!?)
MY ENTIRE LIFE IS IN THE EYE OF THE HURRICANE:
JAY MAL is a Los Angeles, California, USA, based writer and online political activist. He grew up in Los Angeles, has traveled extensively in North America, Mexico, Europe.
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